this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items

that don’t warrant a page by themselves

or seem to fit better here

pending poems  index

chronological order is from the bottom to the top of  the page

audio files can be complemented by listening to them with the eyes closed

with supplements and food, one is one’s own experiment

the skill is in discerning, observing and untangling cause and effect

a very harsh  read

[SeriousWhat is it like to have children you don’t want ?

this idea of suicide being  “ evolutionarily adaptive ”  maps quite qulte into young men doing school shooting and blowing themselves and others up with bombs, the destruction of whatever perceived outgroup, a sort of "death in battle"

also the notion of "spoiling" which we see quite a bit on the net, very non-productive time spent tying up what is perceived as "enemy doctrines" ,  in real life, it in part, will translate to suicidal assassination which is a particular feature of some middle eastern cultures and has a very long history, the mongol empires had trouble with it and clamped down severely on various "assassin" sects

my reply to an idiot trying to "take me out" on brad warner’s vlog

you’ll never get "more into it", but if you had, you would understand "enlightenment" is a flawed concept rather like its parallel in chrisitianity, "holiness"

your "list" of "plus versus minus" is just the indictment of "what have you been doing all these years"

you have been sniffing something stronger than incense ?

the flaw with "idealism"   (ed. philosophical term)   is its a construct defined as a native  (irreducible)

“ can you elaborate ? ”

well, one could elaborate forever, that’s the problem

philosophical categories are arbitrary is another way of putting it

all philosophy is in a sense schizophrenic because it is dependent on the development of highly idiosyncratic vocabularies away from "common usage"

often now i ask myself whether a situtation is to my advantage or not

it can clarify what you do

but some/a lot of problematic things are best be left to run of their own accord despite their seeming unsatisfactoriness

its actually surprisingly difficult ,  transcription

the battlefield

random death

the skilled died equally


its not poetry

just syllables

 who cares for number ?

judah maccabeus

so many battles

in the end

he just







such and such a thing



dreaming causes

not even










the nonsense chasers



injury is a truth

you would never willingly take it




i was at the hairdresser’s/barber’s the other day, only person getting their hair cut there and the two young women hairdressers were talking to each other like i didn’t exist

a ruthless discussion of why one of one’s friends didn’t like the other hairdresser

and other matters

the poor shell shocked male getting his haircut never blinked

there are pretentious idiots aplenty

that doesn’t mean i will tolerate them

on my watch

ed.  i keep having to ban these people from r/zen_mystical

they are choosing beggars basically

this is not without exceptions

brad reads an  obscure passage  of dogen

my slightly reworked transcription

one sheet of dull stubbornness is three inches thick

three lengths of upside-downness is five feet long

last night, this monk of the mountains, eihei  (ed. dogen) ,  struck the empty sky with a single blow

my fist didn’t hurt but the empty sky knew pain

a number of sesame cakes appeared and rushed to become the faces and eyes of the great earth

suddenly, a person came to me and said  "i want to buy some sesame cakes"

i asked  "who are you ?"

this person replied to me  "i am avilokiteshvara bodhisattva. my family name is jaung lee"

i then asked  "did you bring any money ?"

he replied "i came without any"

i retorted  "if you didn’t bring any money, how can you buy them ?"

he didn’t answer but just said  "i want to buy them, i really do"

do you totally thoroughly understand the meaning of this ?

after a pause , eihei then spoke again and said  "when avilokiteshvara bodhisattva makes an appearance mountains and rivers on the great earth are not dead ashes. you should always remember in the third month, the partridges sing and the flowers open"

my  comment

the empty sky knew pain consequently the bodhisattva of compassion appeared

take the sesame cakes, the pain has paid for them

compassion is tangible

but not as humans know it

this is the final stage of zen

missed by the morons

i was looking at british comedy sketches on youtube from the 1950s and 60s and standards of public acceptability with today’s "wokeness" have changed so much, some of these sketches would excite criticism

there is this vast illusion we are all part of the same continuous world

the reality is that we are all disparate entities remote from each other

“ Everyone has at least one problem ”

everyone has at least ten problems and actually 1 million yet to be discovered

eihei dogen never sat in meditation, he was too busy writing

don’t trust these authors, they live in fantasy

zazen is something you grow out of, if you haven’t, you have a problem

about two or three years i would say

western zen and buddhism

are just reshaped monotheism

walk away from monotheism

and things get more interesting

the problem with brad warner’s vlog is not him, its the choosing beggars/sharks in the comments section who suck my time like no tomorrow

charles bukowski says "set them out to sea" and i can do that by not looking at the vlog anymore

if i read it i’ll just reply, so really given the burden of time its been, i’m just going to have to be absent and see what it shows

eihei dogen varies in honesty imo, and what you are  quoting  is him at his more honest and he is saying, buddhism and buddha and teachers and teaching and practice etc are all a load of crap and its just mist rising from the water and that’s really the way it is and there’s no further to go, that degree of "deconstruction" is sufficient

i feel you ,  (brad)  are reinterpreting him to avoid that nilhism, the way you are "constructing" it, is not something eihei would have agreed with in his "honest" mode and actually you face the same problem as him, "flavourless" or deconstructed just has no prospect of donors or income and in his case probably was dangerous given the various sectarian rivalries and violence of the times

lotus blossoms transmute to shit in the red furnace

that’s the game of "declamation", anybody can do it, the "choosing beggars" commenting on your vlog wade deep in its effluent

when you look at the size of dogen’s complete writings, its obvious he was first and foremost a full time writer, people pare away the fictional to treat as real, what can one say ?

blind, misguided and stupid doesn’t cover the ground

"above the blue sky is a snow covered mountain"

there was no blue sky in the first place and the mountain top has no existence beyond its observation

another way of putting it is "meta" doesn’t cut the ice, only the coherence from varying observation does

the "system" of buddhism is just more of the endlessness of error

ed.  to the usual "belligerents" i get replying to me, why not try to understand what i write before replying and actually ADDRESS WHAT I SAY  !

“  Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re saying this type of deconstruction is counterproductive because the point is this moment observing.  To break what Dogen is saying down is delaying what the point of all of it is, which is this moment here.  The deconstruction is keeping people bound in though.  Am I on point or misconstruing you at all ? ”

you are afloat in a sea of variables, for one thing we don't actually know how good the translation is, we know what the translator thinks dogen said, but not what he actually said and there are questions about the quality of the transcript

however what is said comes across as fairly deconstructive as i describe it, which sorta ends up as "absence", but i don't think brad finds that palatable, so, through his interpretation he re-engineers it away from the blank nihilism of dogen’s "deconstruction"

this "moment" heterodoxy is a western interpolation and comes from greek philosophy rather than zen, its a construction rather than absence

you can't approach absence directly in the manner of say religions with their reams of 'practices" , "supplications" etc, you can only approach it indirectly with probabilistic outcomes and no certainty at all

you can interpret "just sitting " as that actually, i know philip kapleau’s view was koan study was just to pass the time until a probabilistic event occurred in the form of kensho or dia kensho

“  Your points might be valid, however aren’t these points you’re talking about just focusing on the finger and missing the moon ? ”

see you are using the construction "finger pointing at the moon" ,  but i am saying "absence"

the "finger pointing at the moon " analogy is direct and consequently invalid

teaching itself is invalid because it is direct

"absence" is something that emerges in an unknown way

“  My main issue with your critique is your implication of "how things should be." ”

i’m not saying for example buddhism should be such and such a way

rather its incorrect beyond remedy

what interests me in this case ,  (brad’s vlog talk)  is the nature of the incorrectness highlights what must be correct

that "absence " must be borne with for the true fruit to appear

so i'm not seeking to move the world closer to my ideas of what is correct

more than anything



“ extended 

  mind ”

to say













so many people

in this


past and future

yet not once

have the roads been the same








a choosing beggar

is some-one despite having nothing to offer

"chooses" benefits to what he is not rationally entitled

greek feet ,  pretty much like mine though i have no known greek ancestry, though its not beyond the realm of possibility

the video is of the acropolis museum and quite interesting

there is a certain strangeness

to things



luck is a perspective

something went your way

but what time shows can be different

cocktail culture

how many ways can you flavour 20% alcohol

why would you bother ?

japan really lost the war well before pearl harbour with the rape of nanking

apart from the humanitarian aspect, it signalled japan’s inability to integrate subject populations into its own war effort

by contrast the roman empire was extremely successful at this, even to the extent of having ethnically non-roman emperors

neither germany nor napoleon need have failed in russia had they also done this

he claims no gender

but the way he lives



so many things


that unfold

if we pursue

to surprisingly



mother and child

bound together


whether they like it

or not

to complain of boredom

is to admit

alienation from introspection

develop introspection

and you will





people expect to write well without doing any quality reading or contemplation so what they get  (unsurprisingly)  is vacuity

this modern meme of the expectation of skill without the work involved developing it

religions are full of "godesses", mary derives from isis, buddhism has its female "bodhisattvas" and i think the degree of prominence reflects whether a society biases towards the matriarchal or patriarchal and the increasing "matriarchalness" of western society is changing the balance within western culture and christianity in particular is not adapting

i would define "choosing beggar" as some-one so entitled their expectations step outside the bounds of real life rationality

its today’s paradigm with the young and not so young

you can see it with the anti-google and facebook sentiment in australia, yet when facebook reacts by elminating news links, oh, the bitching

there’s a surprisingly large segment of the population that doesn’t like the intellectual power a search engine like google gives, they don’t do that so others can’t have it

god, jesus

good swear words

"taking thy name in vain"




human vanity

even atheism

is in

the image



men dream

of being "supercompetent"

and facing down the mob

in reality

they are muddlers

and the faces in the mob

i feel like jesus

the people that follow me around

are the demented

the mad

the bloodsucking

why ?

everything exists

there are some corners that are not very palatable

be that as they may

i have seen no trap more subtle

than the need for constant correction

the needy

suck your life


those empty years

yet more happy

than the full

you have

no defence

against a man with no memory

next time you meet him

he is the same

the net is the realm of the articulate


and brooding moodiness



the world is full of the ineffective sick caring not for being real in improving their health and wasting your time with their claims on your attention

years ago i wrote the short poem





i didn't really know where it came from, but as child i liked the seekers and in  the carnival is over is the line

"my tears are falling rain"

its fascinating that all those years later my brain was processing it to come out with my version

live a bit longer, you will get more sceptical about "the fourth estate"

i think more than they used to be, they are now a distinct "subculture" with a political mission to further its own views

writing on the web favours the articulate and shows the "inarticulate" up, you can’t get around that, try as you might

on the web

i have seen enough of schizophrenia

and borderline personality disorder

to last me forever

they seek to invalidate me as a person

because what i write

invalidates their toxic nonsense

their behaviour

is mostly

black and white

journalists used to be drunkards, now they are entitled "woke" idiots

a post i made on the  choosing beggars  subreddit

Australia’s Prime Minister CB’s facebook and complains to other "world leaders"

The Australian parliament is passing legislation forcing facebook to pay media news companies for links to their material basically on the terms of the media companies

when facebook sensibly decides to stop linking to anything that could be considered "news" under the new legislation   a storm erupts  about how all this is facebook’s fault

the ubiquity of paywalls for news’ sites says in black and white who owns and controls the material and also makes the legislation irrational and harmful

Magic In The Garden by Gael Levin

White butterflies

White butterflies

In their hundreds,

Rising and falling

 over my cat-mint plants,

Heady in the heat

With the cat-mint oils, they swoop and dive, rise and fall,

Like giant paper snowflakes

Making no sound at all.

Each butterfly with a black dot on its side,

Balancing and landing on amethyst spikes

Making the plants move gently

Powered by butterfly wings

young actors

the smooth faced


without a brain


“ we know where we are, we do not know where we are not ”

we know where we are as much as we know where we are not

“ everything is mind ”

not everything is mind

what is mind ?

caught in verbal thickets

the religious meander indefinitely

not understanding

aiming and aimless

ed.  the quoted statement is a buddhist trope

a marvellous  photo portrait  of the author patricia highsmith as a teenager

there’s something  there

its a sort of death to write to the public taste

successful writers rarely live sane lives

how can they ?

what they write becomes a part of them

there are people out there who seem determined to waste your time

they don’t address the important points you make

they quote you out of context to misrepresent what you say to your face

they declaim nonsense as though it is true

its gender neutral, they can be bitches and bastards

they home in on you, you go away and they disappear, you turn up again and not immediately, but soon they make their appearance

its like some bad and bloody science fiction movie

flush with hypocrisy

she speaks the weasel words

"take good care"

when she wants you dead

for showing her up

lorena, you are full of "untruths" playing some sort of a weird game whereby you are validating yourself with claims that thich nhat yoda would not have agreed with ,  like him being "a living buddha" and giving you "transmission"

your abuse of him and yourself in this way is disgusting

one of my small claims to fame is being kicked out of a zen monastery, it was john loori's at mt. tremper

to be fair they treated me well there, but it just wasn’t gelling for me, it was all so much rubbish i had had a belly full of at boarding school, so i moved on to the providence zen center which i liked

an apologist is low

though not as low

as a theologian

for a theologian

 is an apologist + +

an apologist is low

though not as low

as a theologian

for a theologian

 is an apologist +

cults depend on the suppression of criticism

for their continued existance

erin hanson, a young australian woman "instagram" type poetess is interesting, a marvellous command of language, but "semantically" just seems a bit skew, the poem itself manufacturers the target which can be random, but of course she is very young

she appears to have stopped writing or publishing at least

that’s the third young really talented woman poet i have seen stop writing, there’s hardly anything out there now in terms of quality and of course the public and academic world has little taste for it

regrets move on

life has a habit




the trouble is zen is monotheism under another name which figures with its easy fit into western culture

you can argue christianity is polytheistic and there have been polytheistic versions of christianity in the past  (which islam was a reaction to)  and maybe zen is the true bastion of monotheism ?

koans are idiot rhymes for intellectual cripples

because of the dominant influence of shinto in japan, i don’t think monotheism is a subtextual "meme" there like it is in the west

what you give attention to

you and attention become

so be careful of that partner

lest you both become bereft

plain speaking

plain writing

makes convoluted sense

that feeling of running forward

but the ground covered

is never adequate

that feeling of running forward

but the ground covered

is always inadequate

that feeling of running forward

but the ground covered

is never enough

a day lost

isn’t every day lost ?

well some more than others

i feel a presentiment of something

too obscure to say

it bodes of unfathoming

waters far too deep

no doubt the days will show

what i have cause to weep

the landscape that was before

become urbanised

will become



looking for an original idea

something that has never been expressed before

an unending search

that turns up little

in a way i’m rather enjoying getting older and living quite a while since you pick up things that open up new directions and understanding you didn’t have a clue about when younger

"koans" are an instrumental part of the disease of zen

my reply to "lorena" pushing her imagined "transmission" from thich nhat hanh on brad’s hardcore zen blog

thich nhat yoda is just another misguided religious teacher, he’s just a tableaux to support your basic schizophrenic condition

you can talk till the cows come home, you are only fooling yourself

like brad you are a cult "misfit" not wholehearted about belonging to the cult so you set up your own version

i remember loori, or rather his minions pushing his commentary as the first on what he called "the three hundred koan shobogenzo" with a subtext of how it was all really his discovery, with some ghastly group meme of loori and tanahashi beavering away on this "sacred work" being made more sacred by these two living "saints"

lol, i can see why they kicked me out, a dissident for sure

it took me a while to figure out he was schizophrenic and then much longer to figure out all zen is schiz, dumb arses chasing who knows what

whether its online zen or real life, its some sort of bad meme messing up people’s live’s, perhaps they are deserving ?

this maw of ravening idiocy you need some sort of prep to fall into, in my case it was being brought up in religious schools, most people it doesn’t seem to effect, but it did me

anyway john was very charismatic and convincing to the gullible, the only "teacher" whom i ever came across who really understood what she was on about was anti-charismatic, toni packer who was quite unappealing in that way so ever since i have been very wary of those fucked-in-the-head charismatic types

you can’t tell the insane

they are insane

if they could see they were insane

they wouldn’t be insane

you can’t tell the insane

they are insane

if they could see they are insane

they wouldn’t be insane

i had not thought of emily dickinson as having severe migraine, but when you read the "i heard a fly buzz" poem, it seems to fit the bill

There interposed a Fly –

With Blue  –  uncertain stumbling Buzz  –

Between the light  – and me  –

And then the Windows failed  –  and then

I could not see to see  –

epilepsy has also been posited, but i agree with  this article , severe migraine or perhaps more likely some sort of blurring of migraine and epilepsy as seizures can take many forms and what emily describes seems a little heavy duty for migraine

plus i think epilepsy is so apparent there would have been some sort of record of her being known to have it like her nephew and there was a family history

i was looking at the  handwritten  poem and suddenly, for the first time, i saw her writing it, i think because i have written like that, something significant has happened and one writes down pretty much what happened, it comes out in a stream

this be

the four lined verse

that is

four lines

ed.  a reference to some passages  (nos.  11 and 12 )  in paul harrison’s translation of the diamond sutra

online shopping

the quest for the holy object

down the labyrinthic maze

of choices

supplier, product, cost, variations, delivery time

did i even understand what i needed in the first place ?

hit the paypal button

 is my address right ?

and one day

it turns up

the library of babel

from the inside you can’t get out

it goes on forever in all directions

from the outside you can see where it begins and ends

the story

things are as you discover them

not as you suppose them to be

what always amazes me with buddhism with its vast writings and i mean "library of babel" vast

is how it is entirely nonsense

2,500 years of collected nonsense

i suppose you could say the same for christianity, but 500 years shorter


an infinity of rabbit holes

each more tortuous than the last

is there a paradigm of excessive religiosity whereby the state becomes too weak to defend itself as in the case of tibet and possibly the byzantine empire

interestingly, i wonder if that was a deep structure reason for the  english reformation

you can’t unwrapt the past

even if you do

the past doesn’t change

unwrap the past

you can’t

the wrapping persists