this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items

that don’t warrant a page by themselves

or seem to fit better here

pending poems  index

chronological order is from the bottom to the top of  the page

audio files can be complemented by listening to them with the eyes closed

you can correct something

and you can be damaged by what you correct

its so toxic

so many half-wits

on the web

pretending to an intelligence

they don’t have

"time" is like "god"

useless words

einstein’s office  photographed on the day of his death

mao tse-tung

histories bloodiest hyperlexic

i always think i have nothing more to write then something else turns up

i always think i have nothing more to write

then something else



a branch of dried cherry blossom

in a vase

spring’s first flush

passed so quick

a branch of dried plum blossom

in a vase

spring’s first flush

passed so quick

"work" to fill the gap

between inaccurate and accurate prediction

unless of course

you have a natural talent

in an area

the gospel of judas

sethian gnosticism

a bad god to explain the world

a good god to explain the bad god

sounds pretty zoroastrian to me

what is memory ?

memory is memory

memory is not memory

the shards of reality

splinter everywhere

what is "now"

just a word

why do dogen’s translators

use it

to make

 just a turd ?

“ in what way is a dead person more dead than alive ? ”

you can’t know the dead except though memory, they are wholly dead yet through memory, not entirely so

life is life

and death is death

life is not life

and death is not death

dogen’s doublespeak


 no heft ?

this area of expression

where you can say what you think

and be understood

is what good writing is about

you are always living on the edge of what the future is

and trying to navigate your way through it

we are always living on the edge of what the future is

and trying to navigate our way through it


maybe we can predict when and how

but we cannot predict

what it is

what is a miracle is the extra-supernatural dimension of imagination and its ability to take one into coherent realms far beyond the real

a poem by philip larkin titled  "as bad as a mile"

watching the shied core

striking the basket, skidding across the floor

shows less and less of luck, and more and more

of failure spreading back up the arm

earlier and earlier, the unraised hand calm

the apple unbitten in the palm

now when i first read it, i didn’t understand it so i left it off and came back later to try and work it out and it now makes sense to me

now with eihei dogen, if you don’t understand what he writes, then can you assume an underlying sense like in larkin ?

if there is no underlying sense then are you decoyed into some insane trap of endless circles never escaping because there is no underlying sense ?

stalin had a good piece of advice

if they are not for you, they are against you

interestingly, after his wife comitted suicide he took the view this applied to his wife’s family and he had them killed or imprisoned

he can’t have been too abnormal emotionally because his wife’s death deeply affected him, more so than just about anything else i think

poets and artists are a jealous tribe

disinterested advice is hard to get

poets are a jealous tribe

disinterested advice is hard to get
















philip larkin drank himself to death

and his stupid girlfriend shredded, then burnt all his 30 journals

what a waste

you can tell the people who won’t or can’t change

something comes up

an inconsistency

they move on like it never happened


according to them



the man who dies before his parents

there i was

expecting to deliver the oratory at my father’s funeral

i had it all worked out

the right balance of memory and meta

the car came at me side ways, high speed

took me out through the driver’s door

hunting has let me see plenty of blood and guts

my own is just the same

now i’m dead and burning with the irony

a quiet funeral, i at least attending

the speeches stick in my throat

i console myself with the knowledge that its only recent generations where the children outlive the parents





ed.  be warned, this is what happens if you read philip larkin

in victorian times and earlier it used to be not unusual that parents outlived all their children

ewk suggested that the 7th patriarch go and see a doctor about his mental health

any recommendations ? asked the 7th patriarch

"dr. tarr" at the place where i work is very good

the 7th patriarch went to see dr. tarr

he never returned

ewk’s ward would go instantly silent when he told them, what happened to the 7th patriarch will happen to you if you don’t shut up

as it happened, just as the 7th patriarch was about to be set upon by cannibals from the r|zen ward, the tardis appeared, a hand stretched out from the door and grabbed him pulling him inside and he was last seen in 11th century byzantium

on dusk


but yellow orange white and blue flowers

can be seen

a dark day

yellow orange white and blue


one night ewk pointed to the half moon and asked

"where is the other half"

the seventh patriarch replied

"what do you see ?"

ewk had no reply

i see a seal

a seal sees me

such mutual incomprehension

past impossibility

dunno about the way alain de botton categorises ptsd in  this video ,  more like autistic, i thing ptsd has something else to it, though i can't put my finger on it, but of course being autistic or having strong traits is traumatic

this scene  from the desert in northern colombia really conveys a sense of forever

that guy is very resourceful, which you see if you look at the beginning of the video

why know two languages when you can know one ?

english is the clear winner

unburden your brain

and discard

why know two languages when you can know one ?

english is the clear winner

unburden your brain and discard

if you talk to yourself

you can start to believe yourself

the problem is to pare

what’s worthwhile

from what is not

cycles of our life

voids that need filling

they are filled, go empty and are filled again

until we lose the capacity

this is the circus

we call living

cycles of our life

voids that need filling

they are filled, go empty and are filled again

this is the circus

we call living

the "mystery" of the tropics is more in the  clouds and skies  than the islands

apparently you lack the capacity for original thinking and rather than work anything out for yourself, you just parrot the "received wisdom"

well that’s like sailing a ship onto a reef

and you object to it being pointed out to you that you are aground and sinking

monasteries and convents are cults if you haven’t noticed.

the silhouettes of the gums

against a light blue dawn sky

look more like

beech trees

prosperity theology

god intends you to be wealthy

Job laughs

its not worth it he says

the life of buddha

women wealth children, abandonment

its a soap opera script

elevated into scripture

the prophet muhammad

offered clear grapes

not women

a bit of a come down

those ISIS martyrs

must want

their lives


ed.  the koran’s offer of 72 virgins in paradise for martrydom is in fact a translation error, it should be "raisins"

take the moment

stand it on its head

the future behind

and the past up front

and you might start

to look at things right

some people will talk rubbish forever

 what can you do ?


einstein can  bullshit  with the best of them

the starlings on the power lines again

i’ll have to

learn to



its not just men who get obsessive

woman get obsessive too, it just has a different character

“ how is zen/buddhism a cult ? ”

it was a view i was slow to form, but comes from practical experience of several different zen schools

by way of comparison i do regard christianity or any mainstream religion as a cult as well

i don’t think brad warner personally is a "cultist" because he doesn’t censor, however he is involved in a "cult" in a very inconsistent way, i think its very much to his credit that he doesn’t censor, so his vlog is not actually "cultist"

however real life zen does censor, if you disagree with the party line, you are out

other culty features of zen are embody-ing too much power with "zen masters" and hidden agendas like promiscuous sex and "abuse" of power by leaders

i have a strong interest in cults having spend most of my young life in christian/episcopalian boarding schools, which in reality are cults

also i can compare zen to toni packer’s zen break-away group which definitely was not a cult since criticism is encouraged, rather than prohibited and does not have a belief system

i have never seen real life zen separate from being buddhist and buddhism requires you believe in the existance of an "historical" buddha, which my research indicates clearly is just bunk, like jesus, muhammad and moses, its all just fictional people

so i would say the core of being a cult is "false beliefs" and censorship and exclusion to maintain the "apparent validity" of the false belief

as i have said , this forum  (brad’s vlog)  is an unusual mix of contradictions

out on a limb

a lifetime’s misbelief in whatever

don’t expect me to bail you

these people with their confused replies and total lack of interest in being less confused

disgusting like an open sewer

what the point of fooling yourself about something no-one cares about is, i do not know

the stars steep

stupidity or intelligence

take your choice

what’s the relevance of what you wrote ?

you have just learnt a bag of rhetorical tricks and are not even aware of it

the fakes missionize the dead like they are that person

well the dead can’t call these pretenders out

actually they do, if you read what they wrote

so sad

this toxicity in life

you are just making crazy talk if you ask me and you have

just crazy talk if you ask me and you have

why can’t what you just  read  be complete nonsense brad ?

either the translation is very bad or dogen is just bullshitting

unquestioning acceptance of text is cult behavior

"what is the whole universe" i can’t grasp that, is it even meaningful ?

i don’t feel its a real question at all, but just the usual dead end road that can only be explained as a dead end road

see ?  i can write nonsense as well as dogen or his translator, are we any further from where we started ?

why are we doing this ?

ed.  i put that as a question without an answer because i don't think there is an answer, however, in terms of an answer is it provides me with writing material

"i predict the future"

just sit down and make some predictions

on things and people in your life

it will amaze you

what you know

and what you don’t know

the future

hasn’t occurred yet

how it will occur now

i don’t know

we try to modulate the future to give us what we see as our best gains

this creates difficulty because the results rarely meet with what we need or expect

interestingly there’s a neurological theory of "prediction" called "the free energy principle" which basically says we create our world by carving out areas we can predict successfully in, which of course leaves us vulnerable in counter-intuitive realms like the share market

why people want to travel by air with covid around, i don’t know

there’s too much "shared air" in planes and the jet lag makes you much more susceptible

do plenty of body movement in the plane to move lymph  (basically movements to pump the lymph nodes in the neck, armpits, groin and abdomen)

everybody should be taking vitamin D to reduce complications if they catch covid

the problem with zen is everyone pursues "enlightenment", but they end up deluded calling it enlightenment and get very unfriendly when you point out the problem to them

mystical christianity and isalm/sufi are much better intellectuallly than zen which is pretty moronic, but do they want to discover this truth ?


so they just remain running on the rails of "retardation" regurgitating whatever forever

our lives take paths we have learned to create

people perceive any attempt to wrest them off these paths as attempted murder and respond appropriately as they see it

this is why its not possble to encounter people beyond the superficial level, go deeper and footing on the path becomes imperilled and there’s trouble

mars is what a planet looks like  without biology

the irish are a nation of scammers, they do it even when they don’t need to

under the sun

the pine plantation

between the pines

the air

thick with pollen

chasing phantoms

creating phantoms

the "spiritual path"



your time, given to whatsoever

is itself

a donation

there’s no certainty outside your own experience

the talkers talking


but not forever




brad warner, until you do the necessary philological research you have no idea what eihei dogen was saying

philological work is basically the intensive analysis of writings contemporary to him to get a bead on meanings and their nuances, its so labour intensive, nobody does it, but stride on in faux certainty like this essential work is done satisfactorily

your whole "modus operandi" is your assumption that there exists some underlying coherent explanation of it all, so that by exclusion, you are left with the correct explanations, but this is just the branches waving in the wind, what can i say ?

talk is avoidant

and the heart of the matter


never mind

horses for courses

interestingly, there may be something to the  wild west ethos

time’s "relentless march"

it’s a cliché

but its true

time’s "relentless march"

it’s a bit of  cliché

but its true

a violin

a box that squeaks

and squeals

a violin

a box that squeaks

getting involved with people

who are in need of constant correction

and don’t contribute

get out

the so-called "spiritual path"

endless stitchwork

repairing old clothes

a teaspoon of taurine dissolved in warm water every day or second day is great for migraines

if they are going to quote drivel

why shouldn’t i expect them to talk drivel ?

if he’s going to quote drivel

why shouldn’t i expect him to talk drivel

if brad warner is going to quote drivel

why shouldn’t i expect him to talk drivel ?

so many situations

don’t announce you are going

just sneak away

unnoticed is best

the endless night

gum trees

moon shadows


goes on forever

in the distance

the flowing stream

i was sure

were men’s voices

in the distance

the flowing stream

sounds like men’s voices

in a lot of things its just your opinion

which is


just your opinion

can you go

 beyond your opinion ?

i was listening to  this choir  and i had the sudden idea of choirs created in the gulag or holocaust concentration camps, because of the sympathy created between performers and audience ,  must have been very disturbing to the people running these places, that the people in the choirs were in a sense more "worthy" than them

i always find this notion of "writing" intriguing, the  hurrian’s  were writing 3500 years ago, yet modern zen is so dismissive of writing, its like the retards have taken over the academy which actually is the case

its actually a bit of a skill to write effectively with limited words, you need to do it so the meaning is stacked into them (the right way)

sometimes i don’t believe what i wrote

then i look at it again

and i believe it

sometimes i don’t believe what i wrote

then i look at it again

and i believe

tik tok


the normality of it

a race of dancers

and practical jokers

nothing more

modern text paradigms

the trivialization of praise

shovelled out in buckets

like cleaning a septic tank

women are wired to get pregnant

how much freedom is there in that ?

i have travelled extensively between zen and other buddhist centers, though it was a while ago, i tried to figure what was what until i realised it was just bullshit and the teachers didn’t know what they were on about, whereas toni packer at the springwater center, where i stayed for a while, did, that was a revelation

i had a good time travelling and i don’t think any-one didn’t mean well, but really, they were just bunnies

the basic problem with zen is it is part of a larger religious context eg "mystical christianity" if you don’t look and are not comfortable with that, you are wasting your time

they reject these larger contexts

ewk, after crossing an ocean and then with much difficulty found the 7th patriarch and cogitating a bit since according to the old stories one is supposed to ask a question, quickly looked through his books and came up with "what is the fundamental principle" ?

the seventh patriarch replied "don’t meta"

now ewk who knew he wasn’t born yesterday, though sometimes he wondered, replied

"isn’t that meta-ring" ?

the 7th patriarch yawned and asked, "do you live in a consistent universe ?"

ewk was dumbfounded

the koran is written in a combination of  syro-aramaic  and arabic and muhammad is a fiction to counterbalance jesus and moses  (also fictions of the usual cultural soap operas)

what is called the koran is almost an invention of the late nineteenth and early twentieth century, which actually islam itself is in the same way zen reinvented itself and what we see now doesn’t really bear any relation to the medieval religions

islam is a form of nestorian or non-trintarian christianity and probably bears as close a resemblance to pre-paulian christianity as what we call christianity does itself and of course there’s the the heavy judaic influence

its no co-incidence that modern islam is so hostile to judaism and christianity, its because it needs to separate itself from them, they being the roots from which it developed

of course, if it was generally understood how close judaism, christianity and islam are too each other there would be a lot less friction in the world today, but that is not the nature of religion

there you are, my contribution to world peace, no death threats please !

what you are

your "essence" of being

you cannot convey

weep all you like

it does no good

the opposite genders are somewhat blinded to the problems that a person of the opposite gender may have

there’s some really crazy, dangerous, useless people around who, because of this blinding can pass through your filters

you need to ask around, observe and evaluate carefully to avoid the pitfalls

but basically my experience is what seems good value, is, i do think you get a sense of "good value" ,  if its missing, beware


a celibate tradition


into "married with kids"

broken from the start


being you

being me

being the sky

being the sea


where am i ?

where are you

on the way to town

i see


a raven with nest material in its beak

wattles blazing with yellow

it must be spring


a raven with nest material in its beak

wattles blazing with yellow

it must be spring

"the real work" of "contemplation" is you just plug away at what you don’t understand and it will resolve and open up a new vista, and it pretty well applies to anything

it takes solitude and meditation/contemplation to be on the road to self awareness

you never leave the past behind

you drag it everywhere with you

even in dreams

you never leave the past behind

you drag it everywhere with you

the full moon with a thick mist

the magpies are noisy


they will be so tired tomorrow morning

they won’t wake me

the world is very constrained

the imaginative world is much less constrained

no wonder we want to escape one for another

the zen koan system is deeply misguided

religions propagate nonsense through the millennia

why ?

well you might ask

there’s a million talentless women out there

preening and pouting on instagram

a good place for them i suppose

how the music world has changed

beatles song on   the gayageum

brad warner, you are trying to make sense of a thousand to two thousand years old nonsense, and are surprised its not working ?

you’re a writer, not a priest

it would be instructive to go back to your old workplace, i did that once and everybody related to me like i hadn’t left and no time had passed, but i had changed and they hadn’t

i think in hindsight they were upset to see me, like i had escaped and they were still stuck there

the world may be all wrong

but that is not your problem

your only concern is working out the other half of the sum

that makes it correct for you

the world may be all wrong

that is not your problem

your only concern is working out the other half of the sum

that makes it correct for you

at the end of the earth

stands a tree

the roots of the tree go into the soul

the branches are lovely with leaves and flowers

it overlooks a bay whose arms embrace the sea

no man lives there yet all pass through

its hard to beat buddhism for its unending amounts of crazy rules

the trouble is everything i do is Trauma

so i just do less

and that’s less trauma

well you can say i’m anti everything

but everything is anti me

the middle aged

chasing sexual shadows

let’s face it, living with a spouse is difficult

women only put up with it because they are overwhelmed by hormones and when those go they are overwhelmed by circumstance

what i write is not rules but discussion or thinking points

there’s something wrong with "rules"

the intellectual junkheap of modern life

brittle people

brittle ideas

the idiot suspension in media pap

making claims for itself

writing a few words in the evening

restores some sanity

after the day’s junkheap

the paucity of my own dreams

infused by the dreams of others

makes a magical synergy


the paucity of my own dreams

infused a bit by the dreams of others

makes a magical synergy


god made the world out of nothing

and the nothing shines through

and god was made out of something

which just shows you

that space between coming and going

or anywhere

what is it ?

a woman who had lived in a thich nhat han zen center suggested i stay on the hardcore zen blog to which i replied  (but did not send)

​we have in common some living in a zen center experience which certainly brings social and living skills with it, but hardly anyone here  (ed. brad’s vlog)  has and you can’t guarantee they are not going to get too extreme and i’m getting that vibe from "tristan" whoever he is

the net’s a weird place, over the years i have had someone threaten to kill me, a woman turn up on my doorstep, particularly obsessive people follow me around on various forums and message boards to make a pain in the arse of themselves ,  (that generally lasts about six months) ,  some-one attempting to close down my web site, a band of "chelation mums" attempting to run me off the "autism and diet web" for my anti-chelation stance and the one i like best is getting banned recently from r|poetry for writing poems in my replies

the advantage of brad’s vlog is he doesn’t censor, but if in fact i am going to have people like tristan  (einsof?)  breath down my neck then i don’t feel free to speak my mind and that destroys the writing value of the blog for me

if you’ve lived in a zen center, you know people can be fairly extreme, but the net is a different order of extreme and these people have no real life experience of zen at all that would moderate them and introduce a shadow of doubt into their hubricity

i have a subreddit and i found i had to ban the majority of people wanting to comment because they really didn’t agree with me, but found themselves drawn to my writing, yet not understanding why they were drawn, but doing nothing but argue with me

i have been interested in the question of censorship and was wondering how brad’s approach would turn out, but in the end people or a person within the blog or vlog can step outside the vlog and try make trouble like tristan threatening to have me removed from youtube, that’s actually censorship so brad in fact does not run a truely uncensored blog, even though he doesn’t censor it himself

i’m busy in my own life, its brad’s vlog and looking like his main income source and there’s some people really hostile to me there, so its over

the best advice i ever got while in a zen center was not from the "teachers" but from the african american woman house master with a taste for blue at the cambridge zen center which was "you volunteer too much"

my activity on brad’s vlog is volunteer

writers have the brains actors and actresses don’t have

philosophy occupies the wrong semantic-pragmatic space for the sort of problem it seeks to solve

wittgenstein even told them, do they think he was joking ?

you can say this a hundred million times, but they still don’t get it

there’s overt banning from a message board or even dismissal from a job and what i call "subtle" banning or dismissal where the hostility gets too much to bear and you have to leave because of that

all of the above i have been, well no overt dismissal from a job

interestingly you have a legal basis for leaving a job because of "hostility"

i’m not against censorship, its just it has to be extremely well directed so not as to introduce any distortions to the platform

rarely done well, but some subreddits seem to manage

completely uncensored doesn’t seem to work either, the platform becomes conscripted to the use of whatever group ever organises itself for a takeover

you can look at something one way

for quite a while

years even

then you suddenly see it another way

more helpful to you

you can look at something one way for quite a while, then you suddenly see it another way

more helpful to you

i’m having to give up reading brad warner’s hardcore zen blog and i’m trying to work out why, like its a dead end, but in fact it gives more good writing and experience of an extreme, but i think the real problem is some of the people in the comments section are waking up to who i am and the threat i represent to their ideas ,  so are starting to target me, brad doesn’t censor so i am safe in that respect and these people are quite hostile to him, but all the same, it takes a lot of energy in defense to be constantly under attack, so its become like r|zen, except as well as some curmudgeons targeting me in the comments, the owner really disliked me and was extremely hostile with the mods deleting my best OP’s

i don’t read r|zen now at all except occasionally as an "exit interview" and i feel better for the loss of contact and i suspect with will happen with brad’s vlog as well

these commentators on brad’s vlog are really trying to wrest control from him to make it a public message board with some ownership on their part and they are threatening to report me to youtube, which i really don’t want to have to deal with, so effectively i have been forced out in a subtle way, just like r|zen

“ You could consider calling him out for harassment at YouTube ”

dammed with "faint defense"

“ But let’s not exaggerate.  He is not as bad as to report or block him ”

you raise an important point, i think i’m out because having to deal with being reported to youtube given their reputation for "political correctness" is too much to deal with

those people win and defeated i retreat

good bye all, it has been useful knowing you

people of sense will see what you are talking about

when they don’t

watch out, life doesn’t filter insanity

some women are never wrong

because they are never right

watch out for those ones

some women are never wrong

because they are never right

one of the things about net "contacts" and "associations" is ,  unlike real life you can easily leave them if they are problematic or you don’t like them

this option needs to be used more often


what can be conveyed

very little

what can’t be conveyed



what can be conveyed

what can’t be conveyed

mostly very little

no-one to love me

no children

just an ephemeral gleam in this life

that’s the truth isn’t it ?

i was thinking of something and an old memory floated up

it wasn’t random, it was very pertinent

indeed, an answer to the situation

a resurfacing of old memories ,  reminders of a life previously lived

dead ends can be a hive of activity creating the illusion of going somewhere

when in fact its going nowhere

wallowing in self-pity and feeling sorry for yourself don’t go anywhere, yet it has a certain validity, that at least in the face of a disinterested or negative world you can feel it for yourself

sometimes very old memories that have no connection to anything i was thinking occur and it amazes me

sometimes very old memories that have no connection to anything i was thinking occur

it amazes me

a way of looking at the net is its just a bunch of bloody liars by omission

its all in what they don’t tell you and makes it a much more fractured medium than it seems

lying by omission

the easiest and worse crime we can make

there comes a time when we need to say something

but don’t

and the catastrophe


speaking the nonsense of others

they think they are "authentic'

some definition of "authenticity"

the days pass

like they don’t last

that’s because they don’t

"like" in this case


the days pass

like they don’t last

that’s because they don’t

i do a bit of hunting and what i notice is some nights i am on form and don’t miss and other nights it can take three or four misses before i "get my my form" and i think that’s because it does take a while to "get form" and also not passing up too uncertain shots

lacking an adequate understanding

he repeats and repeats


two surgery maxims

there is no free lunch

one surgery can buy you another


rules and prescriptions

senseless meta

they just talk

and don’t do

we are all brought up on the fudamentalness of the normal distribution

that is life revolves around a center of likelyhood

but ,  actually life is not like that, its a heavy tailed distribution that can swing side to side of the center and range far out beyond it

how the net differs from the real world is the commonality and immediacy of what in the real world would be extreme, a heavy tailed probability distribution so to speak

some-one posts on r|eyetriage with what looks like worms in his eye ,  loa loa  ?

yes he was in a remote village three days up river from iquitos in the peruvian amazon nine years ago for a month

i didn’t know  caravaggio  /michelangelo merisi from a bar of soap

this  documentary  opened it up for me

madness is where the inconsistencies hurt one personally

brad  (ed. warner)  i don’t think the "little mannerisms" ie the "knowing sage" work on your vlog, john loori used to do them except his were more "exclamatory hero", it can fool initially, but once seen is very off-putting because you know you are just being done over by rhetorical devices and there’s the certainty of insincerity

"gay" is really  another gender

they are attracted to males like females, but the attraction is that of a male to female

they think like men

there is some feminine, but they are not girls in men’s bodies

the socially assigned "genderism" was never correct in the first place

you can attain the truth

but it slips from under you

more words

and more words

one generation starts from another

to go nowhere

you can attain the truth

but it slips from under you

more words

and more words

seeking one

they create two

and still looking

well, that’s a third

seeking one

they create two

and still looking

that’s a third

seeking one

they create two

still looking

that’s a third

i don’t really relate to the state in which i write poetry or homilies ,  it doesn’t seem like me at all, its way more philosophical ,  abstract and has a better command of language and understands what i cannot grasp

there’s a state of energy where you have a breakthrough cognition

when the energy goes, you lose the cognition

that’s the interesting part

i think poetry comes from that state and you better write it down




in the paddock

so many black cattle




in the paddock

any amount of black cattle




fancy talk don’t substitute for the cash of donations

you can make universals out of particulars in the same way a papier-mâché bird can’t flap its wings

“ a meta-theory of physics could explain life, the universe, computation, and more ”

it doesn’t explain the explaining

you can’t explain the explaining

another way of looking at "right speech" as per "the eightfold path" is a guide to social skills and converse for autistics, roll on the monotone !

the great secret of hell

is you don’t notice you’re there


is not

so secretive

camille pissaro’s painting  a plaza in caracas  really takes you into a different world

liang hongyu , a female chinese general and heroine

more than most literary works ,   she stoops to conquer  despite its "indebtedness" to other works, is entirely its author, oliver goldsmith

like jane austen, he’s rewriting his life and died just as stupidly, medical misadventure

if you deal with the mentally ill, you end up partly mentally-ill

do you think she can understand that ?

she’s not a person who needs that

she chose psychology as a subject because she is self-destructive, just like choosing her first boyfriend, she veers to what will traumatise her

she replied that some people are more resistant to becoming crazy

my further comment

she’s more resistant, but it still messes your mind, why piss your life away for very little money ?

she has to identify this self destructiveness in herself

the other problem with psychology is the theory is really off target, she’s just learning crap that she will have to unlearn later

she has a very good brain, she could do very well financially in the right field, neither you nor her focus enough on the money, life is much more fun and safer with enough money

if she can start to identify this self-destructiveness, she’s learning way more of the right material

very intelligent people are often self-destructive

possibility cuts itself out of a plane of possibility and impossibility

keep it short

keep it simple

and for christ’s sake say something meaningful

keep it short

keep it simple

and say something meaningful

day after day

stares you in the eye

what for

why ?

if you deal with the mentally ill, you end up partly mentally ill

fixing the neighbour’s fence

a glint catches my eye

a glass marble in the dirt

50 years since any children were in that house

possibility is a discussion

that ranges

from itself



to say something is defined by what’s not possible as well as what’s possible is not meaningful imo ,  just saying something is possible also defines what is not possible as a subtext or by exclusion

if there were 100 universes and only this universe had the laws and stability necessary for evolution and life to occur, why is it so surprising that from the view of this universe, that there is life in it ?

it seems unreasonable to suppose that the only universe to be able to support life is the only universe that exists or has or will be able to exist

from the fact of this universe and us existing one can infer that there exist other universes with life and likely an awful lot that exist with varying degrees of persistence but don’t have life

i think we are currently seeing the emergence of an astrophysics able to support such a scenario


to see the world as it is

but even the world as it is

is cascading different views


to see the world as it is

but even the world as it is

can be cascading different views

i feel a  children’s story should be  "gripping" and exciting, not some dreary didacticism which seems to be so current now

i can’t make head or tail of what you are saying and i don’t think you can either

"practice" is for wannabe’s, i do things

there is always the next level to climb to, what would that be ?

people make endless claims on the net, but who knows what is really going on

her circles of him

illusory malleability

the distance remains

the last verse of li qingzhao’s  famous poem

the faint fragrance of the plants fills my sleeves

oh, i cannot say it is not enchanting

only, when the west wind stirs the curtain

i see that i am more gracile than the yellow flowers

my reworking

the garden’s scents penetrate me

i cannot say i don’t love it

but more frail than those flowers

am i

early autumn

the first chill affects my sleep

i love to be out under the stars

dreaming of the passing warmth


when you know what’s what

in philosophy and poetry

you have freedom

the frogs croak and the crickets sing



evening shadows

late spring

far away mountains

behind my small courtyard

sprout clouds

endless arguing on reddit

made me





not sharing the traits of a parent

not grief to one and grief to another


in town

looking at the cherry blossom

the trees in the woolies carpark

the green starting to override

the blossom

i self-publish on the web, i don’t have much interest in conventional publishing at all

education, entertainment and publishing is shifting rapidly in improved directions because of the web

i think new zealand got its response to the coronavirus right, it has a footprint of damage that will affect everyone to some degree, you definitely don’t want to get it, though apparently blood types are significant, with type O least affected and type AB most

also having adequate vitamin D levels ameliorate the effects and paradoxically in sweden their levels are higher because they have to supplement

when i look at my own "art" by which i mean writing which i am doing a lot of now, its taken decades to develop and really i’m only interested in it for myself

she’s a bit "soto zen" really, too minimal, you can question, but you need a palette of answers already available to you which implies a lot of quality reading, solitude and you own "philosophical infrastructure" and the ability to shift context into more productive avenues of thought

i’ve seen it in myself and i’ve seen it in others, people track too deeply in endless re-working of their own thought with "soto minimalism" and what  byron katie  is doing, is she is prescribing a method for others and you can’t do that

i don’t want to come across as too hostile, she’s got some clues

any notion of right thinking or "intention" assumes that such things determine the effect, that is, if i think right and act according to that then the effects necessarily match what i intend

this cannot be thought to be so by even the most naive and inexperienced person

obviously since effects swim in the sea of various possibilities, perhaps more negative than positive, notions of "right thinking" or intention are codswallop

this disparity between intention and effect is the basis of most comedy

“ when you put the body into the eye you have attained ”

this actually is a core teaching and none of the so-called zen teachers today understand it

when eihei dogen says "the eye" he means the eye

when you "see" you know and as a consequence know the waffle for what it is

the pretenders wring their shirts for sweat and drink it thinking it fine wine

why ?

who knows, lazy crazies is my best guess

if infinity stops somewhere

where does it stop ?

how do you know ?

if infinity stops somewhere

where is it ?

across the sea

rainstorm on the horizon


then grey

what the distance gives

as present involvements recede

is understanding

male and female

a perpetual motion machine

men and women

a perpetual motion machine

time versus space

is it an enmity ?

you can’t reconcile

the irreconcilable

i can remember

not remembering

i can remember

and not remember

the grief

of having

lost a poem

whaah !

its really hard being a parent

because your children have some of your traits, but not bloody all

just as we at this moment have this sense of what is happening now, so 1000 years ago people are having the same experience or sense of occurrence

as it is to them then its also occurring to us now

all time is simultaneous

different spaces of time

we walk into

like rooms in a house

one we never come out of again

the fish are caught

men, women and children

generation to generation

the fish are caught

unending openings

all needing closure

too old to close

with time

so much falls away

you can’t pick

what shouldn’t

the transition is looked for

but getting there takes attention

grief, a loss

somebody is going

or gone

its ambiguous

grief, a loss

somebody is going

its ambiguous

nothing unalloyed be

i’ve read it before

its right

the confluence of things making for happiness or going right

reciprocation, good humour, tolerance, mutual understanding

never happens

the elements get picked off


prilgrim’s progress, while a great literary work is mistaken, just doing the usual misguided approach of the matter of infinity from an incompatible semantic pragmatic space

i’m not rubbishing it, there is plenty of valuable insight in it and its allegories

the original  cheshire cat

men are so willingly fooled by women, those "napoleons" of various control strategies

the call of the lotus

is heard clearly by the lotus eaters

hard to resist

odysseus did

and lived

“ i'm thinking, should i even tell cat i think she’s using me ?  or is it better to just keep that thought to myself ”

yeah, women are an enemy in some respects, they have agendas hidden to men

work narrows us in the wrong direction

hard to break from

yet, i think

not impossible

the falling snow

in quietude

the landscape beams

for having less life

what i write is just my thought

its not a prescription for life

at least i don’t take it that way

sometimes a bauble

shiner than the rest


that is all

the water in the vase

as it gets to the bottom

leaves the blossom


those silent mouths

so cruel

when they watch

what they should remedy


doomed to repeat the mistakes of the aged

for the aged don’t speak

a language youth understands

you shouldn’t stoop too far to conquer, the rabble are so hubric, they just pull you down further to rob and abuse

i don’t think you are using your art/writing to analyse yourself

art is the repair of damage

joy davidman’s snowfall in madrid

gave no respite

from the madness of life

maybe infinity is a woman and jealously guards her lovers

who knows ?

the effort some people put into being narrow-minded


how the italians  make pizza

they don’t stint the ingredients

so ligaments connect bone to bone and tendons connect muscle to bone

you need to move joints regularly to move synovial fluid through them and similarly the bursae


people seeking meaning

when all he does is step

in and out of recursion


he writes  nonsense

eighteen hundred years  of decoying  the idiots

he could not have imagined being so successful

successful or not

nāgārjuna rows one way then another

why i don’t know

direction is meaningful

“ after death, do you continue ? ”

i do not continue

to me the miracle of buddhism is that so much crap without any remedying artistic or literary merit has been passed down through the millenia

i don’t incude the "saundarananda-kavya" by aśvaghoṣa in this of course

jason  writes

“ cat is trying to decide between studying law or psychology, she says she is more interested in psychology because she’s interested in "how the brain works", and she says she took psychology in high school and liked it

she’s also seriously considering law but she says she would do law for the money ”

my  reply

she wants to look at what the degree would mean in terms of work, try and get a real life feel for it, for psychology it would most likely be social work which imo can be a very distressing thing to do, being made a bit crazy by dealing with the crazy for very low pay for what is involved and its risky

i think she is too artistic to make either law or psychology a career, maybe she want to think about writing or similar ?

she really wants to put some effort into asking around and seeing how things work at this stage, save her a lot of grief later

“ the problem is the deadline to sign up for school is coming up, and classes will start by october at the latest

her mother thought she should’ve been an artist ,  for high school there you could either go into art, humanities, or sciences and cat chose humanities

her mother recognizes her writing and art, and yeah in the past her mother thought art was for her

cat’s cousin, her age, is an artist and her mother says she is more talented than her ”

school’s a waste of time for the arts, too behind the times

she’s a young attractive woman, if she asks around the artistic, psychological and legal circles she’s going to be given answers

she has to "do" and get out of "observer mode"

she doesn’t want to end up a social worker

you’re hitting the first consequence of sitting on your arse and not getting her and you more involved in art, a door is closing

“ what should i do about the art, just get her and me to create as much as possible ?

sometimes i’m just lost

i could definitely avoid entertainment with her more

so, what do you think i should do ?  i would appreciate you telling me  ”

what you have is the ability to see beyond surfaces, you will notice that just about all of this web art around is bullshit from a failure to disbelieve in the surface

you are an artist, you are already there but you need to get you production skills up to the point you can sell what you create

cat provides you good material, that’s her use, her use of you is some sort of passing the time/education, there’s another good theme to work on, that dreaming or projection of a life with her

you get too distracted from your central problem and actually you don’t really believe me about you and cat not ending up in a long term relationship, the age gap might not seem very large but at your time of life it is everything and in a sense she is using you, your responsibility to yourself is to get the benefit, which as i say is skill-ing up

when i write i am sort of compelled, i have plenty of other things to do for sure, but its like an addiction, i plough on to see where the writings lead and i think its the same with visual art, once you get into a certain level it takes you forward

you have to do what you find exciting, it takes a toll and that’s work

chewing the lotus leaves you exposed when the tide withdraws

i don’t think you like or have the tolerance for how hard the effects of the creation of anything is, its traumatic, maybe you have ptsd or something, when i look at your family history its quite reasonable to be in that area

the art can process stuff like your pot smoking when your mother was dying, you need to see into that, like i’m putting together a little "homily collage" from this recent thread, i actually find it quite tough, but it propels me forward into a different space, that’s what art and writing really is, that propelling forward, i’m getting more into my own reputation as a writer and away from the "borg" of zen, those bastards

when you are caught up with toxic people

try to leave

all your energies go into making an antidote for the poison

better ways to live i am afraid

not enough sleep

not to wake in the morning refreshed


the tableaux of our lives

sufficient story for most

but for some



the steps up equal the steps down

it can’t be easy living in an escher painting

no room for vertigo

c.s. lewis and christianity did not mix, trying to mix religion and story telling is opening a running wound, it only partially worked for mikhail bulgakov in "the master and margarita"

one of lewis’s worst mistakes was the killing of his main characters in the railway accident, barbarism on the part of the author

both lewis and tolkien trivialise killing in their stories, a likely outcome of their WW1 trench experience

life has a certain reversibility

which is strangely missing

from the storytelling world

the best of "enya" is actually the fusion of the music with the lyrics, without the lyrics the music is empty

roma ryan has a way with words, too bad she got side tracked into her made-up languages when her ability to meld the english poetic with music was a god-given skill

the muse

a woman

how and where the attention rests

is not known

so many young people don’t get this

you pay a price for drinking alcohol

your brain withers


the west

wannabe culture

so thick

you can cut it

age 50 is a turning point

many don’t take

they decay


other worlds

don’t exist in nonexistance

they have to be created

waltz  no. 2  composed by dmitri shostakovich and played on guitar

the young russian woman is interesting if you look at some of her other  videos

black and white talent when the western web is so full of wannabes

if there was one thing that catalysed the murderous demonism of the rule of lenin and stalin, it was the execution of the children of the tsar

there were now no boundaries

innocents killed

russia lost its innocence

bloody diamonds


these people fond of themselves

that i am less fond of

don’t get sucked into their orbits


some women go to hell

women need to shop

therefore there are shops in hell

there’s a million books with this sort of nonsense

everybody has their own lives

they are not yours

yours are not theirs

what does the boundary of life look like ?

a piece of a paper has a boundary but the writing on it has no boundary

its not death or some-one "going"

i don’t know what it is

any easy trick with pronation/supination of the knee from asymmetrically worn heels is just to cut the unworn side down so it becomes symmetric again

a bit of tilt on the heel seems to be ok

what is the problem with toxic vlogs/blogs and message boards ?

i have always found this difficult because they can really improve your understanding of how the world works being composed of such extreme creeps, stupids and arseholes, literal "résidents des maisons de santé"

so there’s a benefit, the cost has been harder to get a grip on, but i think its that one becomes "normalised" to the level of poisoning that goes on, that is, values flow across into your life and one is prepared to put way too much time and effort into people who are so toxic and misguided  (or guided by their own bad lights)  it blows the mind

brad warner’s vlog ,  because he doesn’t censor has taken me unawares, but really its fitting that category now, he’s gone way backwards since moving in with his girlfriend

you can’t avoid dealing with the people on the vlog and they are the last you want to have as any sort of standard for "normal", especially since they are so  practised  as passing themselves off as an acceptably behaving type of "normal"

well they and brad are not

basically he has problems with narcissism and being intellectually lazy and shallow, well with his brad-nishijima-buddhism evangelizing its time for me to stop reading and keep away

the only discipline you can give to yourself and them is to stop reading like i have done with r|zen

what is the next step ?

there is no next step

it shows when you look back after it is taken

that is all

the real  good life

doesn’t look too bad, especially from the southern hemisphere winter

the competing demands

between straightening out the past

and the energy required for the future

what it takes to come into your own understanding

and be comfortable in it

to decimate the cultural onslaught of mis-information

the battle of towton

I       II

the paucity of decent writers and artists these days

because of alcohol and drugs

is astounding

we are overwhelmed by the incompetent sober

society is bogged in the sub-mediocre

because that’s all that’s left

she won the first battle you won the next

better than two losses

napoleon was a military genius

but his last word was


you can go to sleep

to refresh

to wake

and start all over again

people tell themselves a story

that they repeat to themselves

when you question it

they won’t answer directly

because that would destroy the story

that they repeat to themselves

something to be avoided at all costs


i’m publishing and writing at a great rate now, but when i was starting i took the trouble and it was quite a bit of trouble to learn the "engine" of web publishing, html, its been a bit of rocky road, but i have something that works and is facile and it gives me a huge freedom, i outlast just about anybody, the only cost is my own labour and time and things are presented the way i want them, uncensored

all conventional publishing censors and you pay for this interference to boot

what if "practice"  (ed. buddhist)  is a form of "social control" that makes you accept dogma unquestioningly ?

i don’t think frozen milk cuts the ice, freezing loses something

i slouch everywhere, not the greatest posture for the back

i think you are expecting things to be too difficult, not relaxed enough, but to find that relaxation you have to go outside buddhism into literature and art

brad, you are always going to be a fish out of water because you are too "artistic" for "buddhism"

religions are actually quite anti the artistic thought mode, though they don’t object when artistic works show them in a good light, usually paid for by them  (michelangelo made a lot of money out of his church commisions and on his death was discovered to have hoarded a huge wealth)

“ some years ago after a four day visit to a noted theravada meditation center in northern california, i wrote a slightly critical piece about my visit on amazon

apparently, the monks there read my essay and were extremely displeased

i know this because when i applied for another visit, one of the head monks brought up my amazon post, and told me i wasn’t welcome to visit for at least a year

i wrote a letter of appeal to the ajahn, who wrote me back that he had actually taken a vote of the entire brave hills sangha, and that they had all voted i was persona non grata

the ajahn added that there was "no possibility" of my ever becoming a monk

i'm not sure what i wrote that so ticked my sangha brothers off so much

as i recall, i’d only given my opinion that i found the place rather glum, and wondered about what living without underwear would be like

if those are the three gems, they can have them ”

"i’m not sure what i wrote that so ticked my sangha brothers off so much"

my  reply

you hit the nail on the head

what i would have to say from experience is that "monastic populations" are "downsized intellectually" and there’s all sorts of hidden agendas floating around, sometimes hidden very effectively, just because they are "mainstream" religions doesn’t mean they are not "cults"

“ the tenth precept  —  don’t slander the buddha, dharma, and sangha ”

buddha is a soap opera character, dharma is toxic bullshit and sangha are stupid not-quite-right-in-the-head morons

now that’s not slander is it ?

when i read how other poets write i am struck that i do it a bit different

no real attempt at construction, its more what turns up on the doorstep, sometimes needing a prod or two to make a better "shape"

but basically its what turns up, i just have to remember to write it down, or it goes, lost forever and i have a few, or more than a few of those

so i can actually write lots in very short periods which can be a bit traumatic, quite mentally and phsyically demanding

of course, one doesn’t have to write at all and i think about that occasionally

maybe those that "just turn up" are a quick unseen birth, there are some that birth with more diffculty and slowly


i’m not that happy with what i write


the next day

i look again

and see i did better than i thought, little involutions of sense and meaning that worked

i think from a poetic or literary view, you don’t want to get too hung up on national or even planetary borders

the subject matter is truely universal, of interest even to the gods

the charles bukowski  cultists

use him as a frame

to hang their pathetic lives and intellects on

roll roll the thunder

flash flash the lightning

something going on and


no rain ?

well the rain came eventually

buckets as it happened

seriously disturbed people disturb me

their reasoning processes are alien and not really understood

and can lead in strange and dangerous directions

which need management

one feels threatened basically

the worst of human behavior can come out

never knowing which way the knife can be turned


only you care about yourself enough

to get something right on your own terms

only you care about yourself enough

to get something right

on your own terms

only you care about yourself enough

to get something right

the university liberal arts system has collapsed

at least to sense and sanity

i wonder how much longer it can persist

young lives set on a wrong road that has to be walked back from decades later


that’s education generally

behind a glass wall

you can see but not touch

because if you do touch, you won’t like what you feel

jason  writes

things with cat are going pretty well, the problem is that we’re getting in a vicious circle of entertainment, watching movies and playing uno, and we’re not doing so much art ,  in sort of a lull with the art

my  reply

“ a vicious circle of entertainment ”

its movies that do the damage because they fill the brain full of junk and watching them is only half the problem, you then have to unwind or unclutter the brain from them which takes years

cat has talent, you should be making the most of it otherwise in later years you will look back with regret

just "produce" and messy as that is it will come right

you don’t know how unusual it is to come across some-one like catarina, like stumbling on a diamond in the rubbish, it will go if you’re not careful and you will never find another like it again

lymph node exercises don’t cause the joint and muscle problems weight bearing exercises do

in inverness they talk about the lochness monster

no-one talks about the minnows in the river

which are at least


love is not an absolute

hard to understand since

it seems so

i shot two wallabies the other night

i put the skinned carcasses out on the lawn for the cats

its been cold and wet since

a smorgasboard for the cats

since there are no flies

the problem with madness is there is some essential core of mis-information

you cannot touch it

entering something

we leave it later

perhaps wiser

perhaps not

untangled threads sprout at any point in our lives

there is no wisdom to living

the toxic  lead-up  to the meiji era

my great-grandfather died of a wound or wounds from the last day of the evacuation of gallipoli

either a shell or sniper bullet, i wasn’t sure which

he wouldn’t have had the faintest conception of his great grandchild having such a concern

i think elizabeth’s lips being red is part of the symbolism of the poem, but a nice version, makes the poem quite  listenable

more  denis glover

an interesting  biography , too able in a way to be a really good poet


pareidolia’s twin

that merciless pair

leading us through reality

web missionaries

of any cause

pumping bullshit

into the vacuity

happy birthday

times fly

on wings that are not quite the same 

getting older


so often we pervice an untrue shape

to reality

what is the dream-time ?

its a type of fugue space

to do with the australian landscape

more than magical realism

getting out can be diffcult

but generally there is a signpost

the aboriginal dream time

not restricted to aborigines

but open to anyone

willing to go there

stupid europeans put up fences

where there are none

after a while

you learn

nothing matches what you want of it

you have to provide the difference




coming back


going away


only to return


you have a degree in "self-justification" ?

you have a degree in "rationalization" ?

i’ve never come across "japanese bench" but presume that’s similar to "seiza" which when i sat i used to use

now i just walk round, sit in a chair or lie in bed for maybe two hours a day which is what it really takes imo

to write a book

life and death



to make it believable

not so easy


full lights

half lights

no light




any light is welcome


full lights

half lights

no light

“ The Buddha was already enlightened

He manifested enlightenment again in order to teach others how ”

its all a con, all you are doing is advertising you have been sucked into the "borg" and now, having been taken over you are attempting the "mind control" of others, like any good "memebot"

the parable of the tenants killing the landowner’s son is an echo of the murder of the "rightful" heir to the persian empire by the man who became darius the first and his cronies

teachers and being "taught" is just a con game

the buddhist precept about "sharing the dharma" in christianity is called "missionizing"


intrusive advice with an ulterior motive

precepts are made to be broken

and they are

and how

and the return

the flux of leaving and returning

just like anything else really

the holy are uncrowned

in the beginning and the end

it might as well be the end as the beginning

they are not well separated

each moment of occupation reverts to what is outside of it

a cascade of words

pouring from my brain

i’m struggling to remember them

like holding an eel really

they slip from your grasp

its just the beginning

it might as well be the end

in the beginning

and end

 who can say ?

its just the beginning

it might as well be the end

in the beginning

and end

 who knows ?

i’m not trying to educate you

or anything

or anything

or anything

normalize mental-illness

it will break you

even if its subtle

women and love

the maelstrom they seek

that spits them out



phasing in and out of existance

dreams are real

or so it seems

what a journey

to a past that never existed

nor could have

the ways had parted

and never joined again

you can be too long on land

you need to fly


the past doesn’t re-invent

it wells up like a stream

showing the best part

of what is retained

idylls of dreams

aeon landscapes

where we wander forever


idylls of dreams

aeon landscapes

what we cannot get



life lacks


the fact of life

the end of memory

a most unsatisfactory state of affairs

no way around it

you can be too conscious of your audience when you write

their attitudes, aspirations, dreams, prohibitions

the circus and conflicts





the crazy world of worlds

more than one

makes you cry

yet it is so

tolkien, lewis, rowling

a triumvirate

of the addled


middle earth

the wizarding world

inane fantasy lands


a damaged woman

the last to admit it

is a damaged woman

a damaged woman

the last to admit it

a damaged woman

some people make a skill of stupidity

soprano anthony way  sings  suo gan

at least genpo (pants down merzel) had a reason for being in zen, its the upright stupids volunteering their lives into vacuity that make one scratch one’s head

man, these buddhist precepts are some "holier than thou" shit

disgusting crazy hubris if you ask me

no wonder you don’t

we think we live in the same world

but we don’t

each world is quite separate and distinct

similarity is a coincidence

once you realise this

life makes a lot more sense

you are prone to projecting where you lack experience and have a poor intuitive "feel" for ?

something that has bitter fruit for sure

you must spend your life going from self-inflicted disaster to self-inflicted disaster, just missing a bit of common sense

we burn the days

the days burn by themselves

burn the days

the days burn themselves

though not in the same way

depending on your age, personal health and family health history, the restricted posture of zazen/seated meditation can be a problem, especially if you spend much of the day at a desk

full lotus is the worst of any world

"don’t talk freely about others"

yeah that’s well put, so much gets back that we don’t anticipate

when you are dealing with the mistakes of others, you are forcibly, though usually unintentionally involved with the repair, which, as the repair is paramount, assistance wants to be as smooth (not quite invisible, but close) as possible

over-visibility is always a hazard and in many areas of life

visibility is very consuming and has an extremely high ongoing maintenance cost

its like talking to the devil

what sense are you going to get from him ?

he only means you harm

if you understood what i said

you’d hang me

so i don’t speak directly anymore

but in allusions

don’t blame me

a million miles of nowhere

the inane stupid

follow the path

they call it "awakening"

or enlightenment

when its just

a big hole

of vacuity

what is life about ?

the fragmented fools

grasp this question as meaningful

its not


with his scriptural zen

the right zen masters

saying the right thing

he doesn’t even agree or disagree

becuase it was nonsense

in the first place

the stupid religious

tangled in meaning

answers abound

ask them what the question is


the sink holes of inconvenience

they will take whatever you can put into them

better be sure you get



a step in the wrong direction

is best stopped

before taking the step

you have to be away from something to think straight about it

and it can take quite a time

looking back over the difficult things


my life

a little well of meaning

in a nonsense universe

if you open something up

be prepared to close it down

if you open something up

be prepared to close it off

life is a sea of ambiguity, if you take fixed views, you will drown

when those around you want to stab you

in the back

be careful not to shoot yourself in the foot

when you are surrounded by those who want to stab you in the back

be careful not to shoot yourself in the foot

the dream

when you find it

and get there

can be a bit gritty

some psychiatric medications are really toxic, witness jordan peterson almost being killed by benzos, how he didn’t know about the problems with them, i don’t know

the dream world

of somewhere else

where we are

and not

the dream world

somewhere else

of where we are

and are not


our lives

our bodies

our age

our insufficiencies

our sufficiencies

where would we go

and to what ?

an everlasting dream

that can never be

all i can suggest is give some space to what i am saying, it comes from hard earned experience over many years

effectively i publish myself, like i have a subreddit and web pages

the readership is small, but that’s all i need

defeatism is not a good mental space

you can’t win a war with your hands tied behind your back, especially when you enemy gets to do that to you

you can’t win a war with your hands tied behind your back

the problem with r|zen is the way it is "ideologically censored"

it didn’t used to be that way and was way more fun, now its just stupid deadheads masturbating

i stopped posting because the mods delete all my best OP’s which is actually a very subtle way of banning

you can’t win a war with your hands tied behind your back, especially when you enemy gets to do that to you

i used to think the mods were stupid, but they’re not, just malevolent arseholes with some sophistication, r|zen is all about mental health problems "dr. tarr and professor fether"

how can the brain shape itself ?

it can’t

can the eye see what is too fast for it ?

it can

we stand suspended

in the moment of it

my reply to some dofus claiming "zen" has a secret that he of course, is privy to

there is no secret

its as wide as the sky

pretenders abound

 you wouldn’t be one ?


plum blossom

in a glass jar

english literature teachers and professors

can’t read



can’t think

and teach younger generations to be likewise, while calling this "educated"

pushing incompetence through the shoehorn of stupidity

damaged for life and damaging everyone else around them

the universe does not make its bed in nonsense, but meaning

the universe does not make its bed in nonsense, but meaning

religion breaks the bed and inserts a dunny

philosophy takes it for firewood

and people toss the decorative jewels lining it away every day

a good  explanation  of the global workspace theory of conciousness

its a brain process, but what is the particular characteristic of it ?

maybe "meaning" reaches a certain weight or density ?

when i get tired

i start to imagine

i’ve done things

i haven’t done

with a search engine

and going to work on the results

you can find the needle in the haystack

the brain has only  so much energy

the fools with their wives, children, business affairs

think they can understand infinity in their spare time

substituting the rituals and text of religion

or voynich of any sort for that matter

for real thought and work

thinking they have "got it"

these stupid arseholes will try to grind you down if you say any different

lymph moving exercises are i feel the best approach to exercise, they don’t damage the joints or tear ligaments like just about everything else

writing runs out of steam

and shows

by its absence