this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items

that don’t warrant a page by themselves

or seem to fit better here

pending poems  index

chronological order is from the bottom to the top of  the page

audio files can be complemented by listening to them  with the eyes closed  !

people get tied in semantics without understanding semantics is a surface

the basis for IQ tests is wrong, it assumes that there is an overall intelligence, but in fact some types of intelligence exclude other types

humans are  “ social learners ”   that is we pick up and repeat what we see others doing because this is what breeds best, genuinely creative people are exceedingly rare

there’s no-one except me

there’s no-one except ourselves

there’s no-one except yourselves

our being is not just the brain, but the whole nervous system and the retina and the panolpy of interaction

ok, so there’s no  ninth planet

virtuoso  child  prodigy singers, the voice doesn’t necessarily  hold  once they hit adolescence

harrowing, more surreal than any work of fiction, a woman  gives evidence  of the killing of her family at the trial of eichmann

dumb and dumber is  illustrative  of the  ‘ free energy principle ’ ,  the exploration of reality well beyond eptness, what makes it entertainment is the better than usual odds of surviving

martin heidegger’s weakness was he never studied history so he had to find out the hard way philosophy and political ideas don’t mix

philosophy is the abnegation of life, not its twisting into gain

limbo is not necessarily some theological invention, lives can be in limbo

their attraction to and the attraction of the opposite gender is a mystery to each

the attraction of the opposite gender is a mystery to each

flowers increase the sugar in nectar  in response  to the sound of bees

smoking even one or two joints disrupt  neural pruning  in adolescents

there is no afterlife

that’s why the violent death of the young

is such a shock

they are gone forever

people don’t realise that ethiopia has had a  distinct version  of christianity since the fourth century

those very white led lights have a lot of  “ blue ”  in them which the bodies circadian rhythm takes to be bright daylight, but you want to leave a couple of hours between working under that light and going to sleep, lights with more red and much less blue are better in the late evening

to the adolescents passing their lives and fucking their brains on drink and drugs

you only live once

there is no heaven or afterlife

 what are you doing ?

grown-up children

are still


never underestimate an enemy

never underestimate any enemy

don’t over estimate them either

you can’t argue with the insane

that’s why they are insane

hell is paved with the skulls of priests

the floor of hell is paved with priest’s skulls

the answer to a lot of things is  “ what works best ”  and its difficult to know ahead of time what that might be

the whole body and muscle building thing is an evolutionary discard, it has a high metabolic cost and is no protection against spears and arrows

an amazing  animation  explaining pre-igniton and knocking

‘ the ladder of divine ascent ’  by  st. john climacus

pdf    wiki    biography

he’s strong on humility, you have to actively participate in a process of seeing if you are wrong, this is so beyond the 99% of  “ spiritual idiots ” ,  yes, you r|zen who don’t see the need for anything except to be their own pompous arses/asses

“ preferred ”  does not mean  “ required ”

i’m so far ahead of brad warner its not funny

listening to him  meander on  about some nonsense of eihei dogen’s whereby it doesn’t matter what you do, its all  “ free-giving ”  a voynich term if ever there was one

years ago i wrote this poem

the sun

sparkling on the sea

has no room for men labouring on its shores


and listen to the clear stream

flowing over mossy banks

the last word in how i have wasted my life

sorry to be bitchy brad, but you have a good set of ear plugs

the world is just full of people spinning nonsense

zen is just a word

it can mean anything

the insane make it make it mean what they want it to be

that is a mistake

zen is just a word

it can mean anything

you are wanting to make it mean what you want it to be

mcdonald’s australia describe their caramel sundae as

“ a delicious delight

soft, creamy waves of soft serve made with fresh cows’ milk ingredients, doused in a sticky, sweet, warm caramel sauce ”

in fact what is in it is a digestive problem stew  (excluding the milk products of milk, milk solids and cream)

“ sugar, glucose  (from maize) ,  vegetable gums  (407, 407a, 412, 466) ,  emulsifiers  (433, 471)  and flavours ”

i think the semi liquid concoctions have intrinsic problems with bad thickeners and emulsifiers that true ice cream doesn’t have

the degree to which we create our own worlds is absolutely uncomprehended by most of us

the degree to which we create our own worlds is absolutely uncomprehended

explanations are unending

explanations are endless

when you can see the construction behind the façade, you are free

. .



poor r|zennists tangled in imposing their own facades, unconscious of their own activity and their delusive picking up of other facades

when you can see the construction behind the façade, you are free

you can’t make sense of death, if you could there would be an adequacy to  ‘ sense ’  and therefore death wouldn’t be death, its recursive

“ the matrix gla protein is abundantly expressed in the eye, where, activated by vitamin K, it takes part in preserving the structural integrity of the  trabecular meshwork ,  the sclera, and the retinal ganglion cells ”

i’ve been supplementing with caruso’s vitamin K2  (the MK-7 form) and 400iu daily for vitamin D for years and that’s perhaps why my eye pressures are so good  (low normal)

also my circulation is excellent which i think is one of the major issues as you age, interestingly the root cause of prostate cancer is restricted circulation not enabling the white blood cells get onto pre-cancerous prostate cells

so i take one of  these  daily in the morning

also basically i take half a capsule or about 4 drops of the blackmores 1000iu daily by piercing the capsule and squeezing out what i want into my mouth, i like the blackmores because it has preservative in which vitamin D needs as it is easily oxidised

reality is to a certain extent always self created

we track through fields of complexity in as simple a way as possible

a good  description  of what happens in fasting

“ fasting is an adaptive state of metabolism when exogenous nutrient intake is limited

in mammals, a drastic shift in metabolism takes place under low nutrient availability

skeletal muscles undergo protein breakdown and provide amino acids for the liver to implement gluconeogenesis, producing glucose to maintain appropriate blood glucose levels

in parallel, the liver performs ketogenesis to supply ketone bodies to other vital organs, including the brain, by harnessing free fatty acids from adipose tissue ”

the  death  of seated meditation

“ a new study of around 8,000 middle-aged and older adults found that swapping a half-hour of sitting around with physical activity of any intensity or duration cut the risk of early death by as much as 35 percent

the findings highlight the importance of movement  —  regardless of its intensity or amount of time spent moving  —  for better health ”

people are narcissists, you should always look for a return on your time spent aiding them

“ leave flowers to the wind and birds to the air ”

its a statement of disinterest by eihei dogen and hypocrisy from a man who couldn’t drag himself away from kyoto back to his monastery

maybe he should have stayed in kyoto, the climate at the monastery was no good for TB

both uva and uvb damage the DNA

vitamin D supplements really need a preservative added as its not stable, the blackmores vit D has a preservative in

nothing beats strong sunlight in small doses, it does several other things besides making vit D like modulating the immune system to reduce cardiovascular risk

basically if you tan you getting a lot of DNA damage with limited health benefit

truth is overrated, but the process of sorting something out is not

a life cut short

what does it mean ?

a  wisp






a life cut short

 what does it mean ?

a wisp






an early death

so full of promise

plucked from this life

like a flame that never ends

an early death

so full of promise

plucked from this life

a flame that never was

an early death

so full of promise

plucked from this life

like a flame that never was

how do you reconcile the unfairness of an early death ?

i feel  this  is my brain, over connected to everything

“ cells created from participants with autistic spectrum disorder expressed some genes earlier than cells from the control group

past research has linked those genes with an increased risk of 

additionally, neurons spawned from the cells of participants with sprouted more complex branches and grew faster than control cells ”

i was looking at an interview with saoirse ronan and she mentioned that she was trying to be pescetarian

being irish means you can have a genetic mutation that leads to over absorption of iron, so i wondered if in fact going pescetarian was a response to that

you really have to watch not eating to much sea food because of heavy metals and eat small fish rather than large because of the way heavy metals bioaccumulate as you move up the food chain, shark and swordfish are chronic for mercury

poetry is different, you can learn to write poetry almost immediately becuse its your natural mind

but prose takes at least twenty years imo

i used to think i might write a novel, but now i realise i never could, not at my age anyway

in a different life perhaps

the real heights only poetry can reach ?

mysticism is not dry

holly and susie walking through  ‘ the place  that is not really one place and not really the other place ’

that is actually  ‘ the wide wide heaven beyond everything we knew ’

hard to see of course

“ redditors who watch movies and tv and read books and comics and play games etc  —  why do humans need entertainment ? ”

entertainment is a form of escapism and good quality entertainment has an element of making you usefully thoughtful

poor quality entertainment just fills your mind full of rubbish

as to why escapism is needed, does it have to be said ?

“  six FDA-approved artificial sweeteners were found  to be toxic  to digestive gut microbes ”

jason  writes

an interesting  video

it’d be nice if tesla hired me, i’d go far i think

my  reply

“ i’d go far i think ”

that’s a projection, you want to be more open to reality being different from what you think and would like

imo plumbing may suit you more, you don’t need a career, only an income, you already have your writing

when you look at the video with rich, i cannot see you ever acquiring or being interested in acquiring that skill level

effective  weight loss   appears to need both intermittent fasting and reducing the amount eaten

i notice a lot of overweight people don’t seem motivated to lose weight, but current research is showing severe health effects like an increased risk of cancer and  downsizing  grey matter in the brain

aquarius is  ‘ the water bearer ’ ,  i liked listening  to this  as a teenager

“ when the moon is in the seventh house ”


two crazy things i have come across on the net are dialogues i had with a lung researcher who refused to believe there was such a thing as a respiratory microbiome and a skin doctor who thought melanomas never became raised

how to  side gap  a spark plug

i straightened the ground electrode, put on some 3+ glasses, filed it down, reshaped it and cleaned it by dipping in meths

for actual cleaning off the baked carbon i find soaking the bottom electrode area in turps overnight works well

why do we continually try to modify the world to the way we think it should be ?

ginger and chillis have a potent anti-cancer action if used together

singly they each have a carcinogenic effect

i think good fiction has a considerable degree of complexity and you can see that in jane austen and  cáo xuěqín

whereas what i write is simplifying

“ if you’re a visiting alien studying the human race and can only do so through its fiction, what list of books or works  (international titles welcome)  would give you an accurate and near complete understanding of humanity, human nature, and life ? ”

the dream of the  red chamber

‘ practice ’  is an illusion

the buddhists flee in confusion

what meaning can the dharma have

 except they have been had ?

when i write

a lot of it









reality is a consequence of god not being omnipotent

its a wound that has been quarantined

reality is a consequence of god not being omnipotent

its like a wound that has been quarantined

i was thinking it takes quite a bit of planning and organization to be an alcoholic to keep yourself   “ supplied ”

but for migraine, i can get that without any planning or organization at all

supposedly 2 + 2 = 4, but so much in life depends upon 2 + 2 + 2 = 6 and we never get beyond the first 2

the interesting thing about  marionettes  is clearly from a mechanistic view point they are unreal, yet we pick up the cues from them to make them real

you can’t really say whether they are unreal or real

i was a big fan of thunderbirds as a child, but also in a way i think the inane fantasy level of it was damaging

it was like a puzzle it was too difficult to crack, but the secret is to look how  they were made

its really just  marionettes  in science fiction

if jesus had a message it was

you are secondary

he was lucky to live as long as he did

to soto zen

if you take eihei dogen away as a reference point, what happens ?

the central problem of nuclear weapons that the cuban missile crisis revealed was the loss of central control over the firing of the weapons, the soviets were so scared of what might happen in cuba they kept all their russian territory based missiles stood down to send an unmistakable message to the americans

this problem is what drives current policies and the problem with iran getting nuclear weapons is their lack of central control over them

the boundaries of man/machine, death  and love

you be careful of writers ,  it might appear they are writing to you, but they are really writing to themselves

roshi joan halifax

this gift of life that i have called “ wise hope ” is rooted in our vows and is what zen master dogen means when he admonishes us to “ give life to life ” ,  even if its just one dying person at a time, one refugee at a time, one prisoner at a time, one life at a time, one ecosystem at a time

brad  warner

why does it have to be a refugee, a dying person, an ecosystem ?  i feel like dogen’s message is far more wide-reaching and universal than that.  any small bit of good you can do, no matter how unspectacular or un-newsworthy, is giving  “ life to life ”

the seventh patriarch

don’t do good and kill the cliché doers

there is magical portion of life that hardly ever happens

the sixth to the seventh patriach

“ you just entered a different universe

nothing you see will ever look the same again ”

the sixth to the seventh patriach

you just entered a different universe

nothing you see will ever look the same again

how does the nicene creed differ from the heart sutra ?

they are just the same, crazy systems of belief designed to be hypnotically indoctrinated by repetitious chanting

one of the traps of the internet is that watching is very passive, you lose touch with reality

you are being fed a filtered version of reality

don’t get caught in one person’s view and experience ,  look at others

i’ve been applying the  “ free energy principle ”  to  “ dialogues ”  i have been having on net message boards and its working quite well

i used to wonder why everyone was so illogical and intellectualy lazy but in fact what they are doing is defending thought structures that reading me has introduced dissonance into

if i post something, they are faced with not being able to argue effectively with it, yet it doesn’t conform to the way they think about things

the free energy principle says their developmental neural/brain structure is too costly and actually not physically possible to change, yet change is what is required when something correct is come across yet conflicts with their own computations/views

they are utterly unable to change so they can admit defeat and just vacate the dialogue which some do, the most common response is some low effort declamation in a misguided attempt to derail me and make the world conform to their way of looking at things, i always easily defeat it and a lot drop out at that point since that gives the best minimisation of free energy, to persist against such an opponent as myself only increases the level of  “ surprise ”

a few drag it on for a considerable time trying to salvage their existing views by various sophisms and declamations, my strategy is just to take this one comment at a time and refute them, its like making a good move in chess, do it right and you are always ahead and eventually it comes to a point where my reply gets very focused on a weak point even they can understand and again, they join the rest in giving up

what i never see is any attempt to rectify the way they look at things with something that better aligns with observation, its all deflection, bombast and stupidity followed by slinking away when to persist is imply going to increase their trauma

in real life this sort of thing could potentially become violent so the net certainly has an advantage here

TL:DR;  the free energy principle says people act to minimise the degree of  “ surprise ”  and this they do as adults with fixed developmental structures by attempting to force conformance to their structure rather than make any improvements to the accuracy the structure and the views it generates

i feel this explains so much of human history and life

to take lsd is to induct a degree of brain injury

recovery is a process of months at the minimum

its disgusting the way people promote it as  “ harmless ”  and  “ spiritual ”

well i guess brain injury is  “ spiritual ”

there is nothing easier to create than this  “ object art ”  so i guess  supply  rises to meet demand

the art world is the slickest con game around

jeff koons is a genius at this, followed closely by damien hirst

i quite like this  short story  by sylvia plath written at 20

a year or bit less before the electroconvulsive therapy

she could have gone on to become a great prose writer, but she always spread herself too thin and there is a marked difference between before and after the ECT unfortunately

the ECT may have  saved her life ,  but it impaired her as a writer, she was never quite the same

christine de luca has that very heightened  visual sense  of autism

buddhists validate a work of fiction, he is a bad fairy tale

buddhists validate a work of fiction, buddha is a bad fairy tale

“ try not to feed the troll ”  (ed. implying i am a troll)

you and who else against who ?

you and who else against who ?

only a fool imagines they are a teacher

the past is set in glass

the future is that





























the past is set in glass

the future must come to that



its not like male and female are symmetric, they are not opposite to each other

the female mind, sometimes you can’t save it from itself

its quite nice to hear  the poem  in russian as well as see the english translation

a good  review  of  ‘ the complete poems of anna akhmatova ’  by edward w. batchelder

the problem of the net ,  9 idiots for every person of sense

the typical female thinks men were  ‘ born yesterday ’

the typical female thinks men were born yesterday

brad warner  naively thinks  that noah levine’s public humuliation is about sex scandals

me wasting my time trying to set him right

you have no children and don’t understand the pressures, a vow of poverty does not fit with family life

western zen and buddhism seem to ignore that these are celibate traditions  (zen before its politicisation by the meiji government)  so there’s a freedom in celibacy to be disinterested

the  “ problem ”  with noah levine was that in fact his organisation  “ against the stream ”  had already collapsed financially and noah was still pulling exorbitant sums from it for himself

then the scandals become public because of disaffection within the organisation

when the money flows, everything is happy and you don’t hear a peep

the only thing keeping the angel city zen center  (ed. brad’s center)  free from scandal is its lack of success, if it was larger then you would get problems, your name and reputation would be used against you

you are really naive at times brad, or i should say naive overall in a way that is disconcerting

what is missing with these idiot pretenders on r|zen with their retarded bombastic pomposity ?

reflection  to be aware of themselves, perhaps they are mercifully blind ?

some women can be too dependent on the power of sex to render the male docile

the limitation of meditation is its only conscious experience, zen and vipassana treat it as entirely adequate when it is far from it

“ a mouse conscientiously  transcribes  a book which is being read aloud by his colleague

unnoticed by these elegant and diligent scholars, less erudite rats are thoughtlessly munching away at their library behind them ”

replies on  zen_mystical  should have substance and not be empty air, misinformation, millenial ambiguity, crazy declamations

r|zen is rich in those, go back to where you belong

my time is not yours to waste




evening star

evening star

ice fire blue

evening star




evening star

blue fire ice

evening star




common english phrases  explained well

a useful  video  explaining how to use the various settings on a mulitmeter

how to test your battery ,  do this  and you are way ahead of those battery supply places

my criticism of r|zen is they are taking a christian or islamic approach of creating an  “ inerrant text ”  out of poor quality literary fiction that they, the wannabe priests of this new religion are privy to a secret understanding and interpretation of

given the hackneyed and clichéd nature of the voynich they worship, it is only the retarded insane that are able to stomach this

when and where  was this  ?

the forbidden city mid to late eighteen century

not that different from the grandfather clock face my grandparents had

two and half thousand years and polynices’  body is still not buried

i try to correct everything, but you can’t correct everything

i try to correct everything

but you




modern china has some interesting characteristics, the recreation and obliteration of the past

the  restoration  of the qianlong emperor’s retirement lodge

the qianlong emperor governed when  ‘ the dream of red mansions ’  was written and he was a patron of giuseppe castiglione

cetainly a time of the flowering of chinese culture











the origin  of the song  ‘ lucy in the sky with diamonds ’

“ john and i both loved alice ”

does tuesday come before wednesday or vice versa ?

does wednesday follow tuesday or vice versa ?

all the writers about  eve babitz  skirt around the main point, a considerable talent brain damaged by drugs and alcohol and never reaching her potential

just shows the way american society is now

a quote  from her book  ‘ eve’s hollywood ’

in most high schools, you learn social things along with the rest of it

in mine, i learned irrevocably that beauty is power and the usual bastions of power are powerless when confronted by beauty

its a good rule to never get in the situation of being lent money

jason is of the view his  “ writing skills ”  are a feature potential employers would be interested in

my  view

they won’t be slightly interested in writing skills, they only want feel good bullshit and will be offended by anything real just like your work at the vet place and that sales job you didn’t get

skilled writing is really different and not something that is wanted by people

“ thoughts lie ”

thoughts don’t lie, they simply mirror backwards our imperfect perception of reality

religion is buying into a crazy tableaux

you are buying into imaginative constructions clearly dissonant with what we call reality, an observation some crusaders as they were fighting for almost desertified  “ holy ”  ground and a city personified by rocks and thieves must have made

i find tess hughes  interesting , she has that toni packer like emphasis on the examination of one’s own thoughts and  “ beliefs ”

i know its important but i have never been able to understand why, tess puts it as enabling being more open and less a victim of one’s own hubricity

no, she’s not some sylph like 16 y.o.

mysticism seems to be the provenance of the faded aged

i’m really favouring the hypothesis that there is no other life in the universe apart from ourselves capable of communicating over stellar distances because of a combination of the extremely long time it takes to evolve, its far from a necessity in terms of evolution itself and from a planetary to galaxy level the universe seems rather  disaster prone

stan kelly-boodle  singing  his song  “ liverpool lullaby ”  also famously sung by  cilla black

i didn’t quite get his beatles joke at the end, but its quite funny

when you talk to an audience there’s very little engagement on the points of difference because that only happens when you talk one on one

“ its the word of god ”

god has no word

baisao’s  ‘ seventy years ’  poem

seventy years of zen

got me nowhere at all

shed my black robe

and became a shaggy crank.

now I have no business

with sacred or profane

just simmer tea for folks

and hold starvation back

my  reworking

four years of r|zen

i wouldn’t say forwards but backwards

i shed any illusions about people

and am improved

religion is crap



is zen

a poem by baisao

pine trees rise through cloud

soar up into the blue skies

bush clover spangled with dewdrops

sways in the autumn breeze

as I dip cold, pure water

at the edge of the stream

a solitary white crane

comes lolloping my way

my  reworking

between the pines



flowering bush clover waving in the breeze

the ruffle of a purling stream

can be


the cantankering flight of a white crane

asperger’s syndrome is not mental illness, its functional and more a problem of lacking social skills and associated theories of mind

“ professional psychiatrists are all you can rely on ”

really ?

half are as crazy as their so called patients in my observation

i’m not saying there are not good ones, but the profession as a whole seems to be infected by incompetent snugness, maybe its a good survival strategy since dealing with the mentally ill all the time is so soul destroying

its important when trying to lose weight to lose fat and not lean muscle, taking chromium will help with this according to  this article  and  study

i don’t have a weight problem but i take  chromium  and i think i can pick it helps maintain lean muscle

history is like a little too definite

if you only go by history, that’s like too definite

the interesting thing about homosexuality is how the physical form gets completely crossed with sexual desire

an unequivocal example of how everything is the brain

the interesting thing about homosexuality is how the physical form gets completely crossed with sexual desire

an unequivocal example of how everything is a brain image

richard carrier  arguing  that jesus is mythical

migraine    my-graine

mypain    my-pain

in terms of mystical or  ‘ enlightenment ’  experiences, there’s a hell of a lot that happens unconciously that you know must have occurred by changes in your understanding and perspective, but its also important that you have concious experiences because that means there is an identity of memory and you

conscious tv  ,   interviews with as big a collection of bullshit artists as you will find

unbelievable the way renate and ian mcnay have wasted their lives

what narcissists are interested in is narcissistic supply and that is their vulnerability

what narcissists are interested in is  ‘ narcissistic supply ’  and that is their vulnerability

a very good talk  by toni packer, it always amazes me that she is so little known, perhaps not so amazing given the general attitude

any place of work has crazy internal politics, just different forms

if its not the wind, its the wind

if its not the wind

its the wind

kwan um zen works like other zen schools, study with a teacher at least ten years and you might get transmission if you agree with them

seon-sa-nim and george bowman didn’t get along at all and he almost didn’t give transmission to him

given the general unbelievably low quality of so-called transmitted zen masters its just all a giant farce of hubric ineptitude any sane man or woman would be ashamed to be associated with

“ abundance of caution ”

 you mean  ‘ abundance of clichés ? ’

well  “ zen ”  as a word is in the  “ public domain ”  and so has a wide range of meanings, so r|zen in that sense is not usually untrue to at least one of the public domain meanings

however i am interested in the mystical side, that  “ transmission outside the scriptures ”  which those on r|zen are in denial about and think their endless chatter goes somewhere

you are ignorant of what the  ‘ transmission ’  is about, yet talk as though you have experience of it

what can i say ?

religion is a conversion of the true strangeness of infinity into the dull moronacy of mediocracy

religion is the conversion of the true strangeness of infinity into the dull moronacy of mediocracy

the problem with fighting in a war is death  is too random

i’ve got r|zen figured out and a lot of the rest of the web as a bonus

i was assuming these people are open to rational discussion and problem solving in an objective way

but they are not like this, they are totally narcissistic and only use what i write to feed their narcissism, ewk would be a good example given his utter rejection of me and what i say, yet he very selectively plagiarizes my material

they cannot and will never get into a more rational mode and in your dealings with them they will consume you

you can only belong to a community if you agree with them, disagree and you are always on the outside

“ normalcy ”  is like a benign island in a sea of strangeness

intrusions by the sea abound

“ normalcy ”  is like a benign island in a sea of strangeness

intrusions abound

“ normalcy ”  is like a benign island in a sea of strangeness

intrusions of the sea abound

stalin’s problem wasn’t just his brutality, but that it was co-joined to a religious adherence to an economic philosophy so contrary to millennia of human experience as to what works that  “ brutality ”  as a platonic  (plutonic!)  ideal was allowed to   “ flower ”

so much of human  “ disaster ”  can be attributed to its running roughshod over areas that are strange to its ways and thinking

karl friston’s  basic insight  is that reality is very unfriendly to uniformed guesses

it mightn’t seem like a big deal but we humans operate as though  ‘ guess success ’  is fifty-fifty whether we get something right or not, usually with disasterous consequences once we hit something strange or outside our everyday experience

i see this so much in the  ‘ spiritual arena ’ ,  clueless idiots projecting what doesn’t work

who am i

where do i come from

where am i going to ?

who am i, where do i come from, where am i going to ?

narcissism is the handle by which women manage men

narcissism in women men can’t handle

the scriptures

buddhist or christian

so much nonsense hanging in air

why bother ?

the scriptures

zen or christian

so much nonsense hanging in air

why bother ?

any argument implies its negation

vitamin MK7-K2 does marvels for circulation and the bones and teeth

i take 400iu of D3 and 90mcg of MK7-K2 daily and that’s what works best for me

the amount of vitamin D needed depends hugely on the person and environment imo

a lot of mental illness is narcissistic, their dysfunction is used to extract your labour

its amazing how much of the problems of the internet and internet message boards can be reduced to a question of trust

i trust that those i am communicating with or are being communicated from are reasonable and fair when there is ,  in fact, no basis for that trust and even a small amount of dealing will expose people as untrustworthy, often schizophrenically misguided, hubric and unfair

that is if we put down the rose tinted glasses

the key to dealing with narcissists is to accept you cannot change them since they convert any attention you give them into  “ supply ”  and just continue with their narcissistic ways to feed on what you do

so for your own sanity and mental health you have to detach and preferably remove from the situation to the extent that suits and is of benefit to you

i have seen figures of 98 to 99% given for how much of the brain is involved in unconscious versus conscious processes

so the brain is really this mass of unconscious processes we are not aware of, and really never can be directly aware of

louis rossmann  is a good example of a  “ fish out of water ”

he has very good interpersonal skills, too strong for his to ever do that well in the tech field, whereas if he was in an arena that made better use of his interpersonal and social skills he would be outstanding

r|zen as the wrong end of cyborg

if you take  “ knowledge aquisition ”  as part of the  “ extended mind ”  as per andy clark, then there is an intrinsic bypassing of  “ proper  epistemic care  and vigilance ”  which you can also read as  “ reflective attention and interrogation ”

in andy clark’s words

“ the better new tech looks for  ‘ extending the mind ’  the worse it starts to look for  ‘ epistemically responsible knowing ’ ”

you can see it applies to nazi germany and stalinist russia with the revolution in broadcast and communications technology occuring over that period enabling propaganda to bypass the natural testing of life experience and badly placed assumptions of trust being made

and it also applies to the internet with its being awash in  “ feel-good ”  trash massaging feelings of comfort and self esteem in a toxic inversion of the real

in terms of r|zen and the endless new age and meditation crap you have unquestioning trust placed in quite schizophrenic sources

r|zen particularly creates a scriptural data base out of various zen records, as  “ inerrant ”  but between biased and philologically insufficient translations and the uncertain veracity of the actual source, you really have no basis for  “ trust ”  and the undiscriminating adoption of the sophistical and novelistic nature of these so called  ‘ sources ’  leads to a self created narcissistic trap for narcssists

all art is the product of wounding

the weirdness of the net, both these women have aged ten years since they made  this recording  of offenbach and are now well past their singing peaks

‘ killing me softly with his song ’ ,  lauryn hill is easily  the best voice  to sing this song and its ruined by the intrusion of too heavy a beat and male voices when the song was just asking to be sung almost a cappella by her

the song  has an uncertain provenance as it is a reworking of a poem by  lori lieberman

cynthia freivogel, one hell of  a violinist




narcissistic supply


let them supply me

joshu was asked  :  of the three aspects of buddha  (the physical, the moral, and the metaphysical)  which is the original one ?

he replied  :  the metaphysical

the problem with  “ multiverses ”  is the lack of a robust conceptual framework to accomodate more than one universe

this  looks robust

helen martins has the  insight  of an isolated childhood in the karoo

a video on  her life

a walk through  the owl house

so taking andy clark’s idea of  extended mind ,  when you look at the sea, you are the sea and the sea is you

when you look at the sea, you are the sea and the sea is you

i was confused in life and i will be confused in death

i was confused in life and i will be confused dying

tigers are  all muscle , this fight had to be broken up  ( tiger canyon  in the karoo )  and the larger younger lighter coloured have a paw wound dressed

the older and more experienced tiger, though smaller had the advantage and seemed prepared to kill its rival

word salads tossed again and again

there’s something fundamentally wrong with a world in which we all get older

there’s something fundamentally wrong with a world in which we get older

empathy is extremely costly because its entering another’s emotional state

genes get carried down the generations in lumps, you may think you have avoided some of the more problematic ones of your ancestors by dilution, but you are the one who can end up with them and not your siblings

everyone is a mimic of ourselves

word salads


and tossed again

to what effect ?

word salads tossed and tossed again

is the attraction of entertainment that it mimics surprises because it is not real life ?

i was walking on the cliffs above the coast just west of the don river heads, a beautifully calm evening, the undulating glossy sea spreading for miles beneath a surreal grey sky

a homily came to mind  i was sure i would remember it, so simple how could i forget ?

i am trying to remember it now and for the life of me i can’t, not even a single word

a story is a story

but to tell a story about a story



we are always constructing something



unconstructed ?

over a life

you can’t help but notice

those returning circles

over a life









if you look more closely at a situation you wish to remedy but have no power in, it may turn out to be in your best interest to keep more distance from it, observing, but no taking part

the more i see of claims for  “ spiritual understanding ”  from taking LSD the more i wonder how people can get things so wrong and be so blind to their errors

i used to think the effect was more neutral, but its really fucked up, there must be a heft of brain damage that goes along with it each time it is taken

i have a problem with anything that defines time because that externalises it, whereas its implicit and internal to change

to soto zen i ask

what if eihei dogen is wrong ?

there’s a lot of philosophy in humour

women don’t put up with nonsense from other women, but they expect men to put up with their nonsense

i think one of the problems with writing and i presume translation as well is the decades it takes to develop a decent level of skill and by then we hit the declines of aging

competence and super-competence


women and men may complain about each other, but the differences are the same across races so there is some deep biological imperative in them

comfort in similarity is not necessarily safe or the most productive optimisation

women have a quite different perception of the universe than men, everything from their point of view is purposed to them and their comfort

stupidity is an active principle, it seeks to bring everything down to its level rather than raise itself to anything higher

the trouble with exercise is that it doesn’t release you from your metabolic frame, you have to take supplements to do that

its depressing how bad most zen translations are, in effect conforming to whatever philosophical doctrines, implicit or explicit the translator holds

to have one read straighforwardly in english is a miracle

why do theologians waste their lives spouting crazy nonsense when they have the intellectual faculty to know better ?

why ?

mark crosbie translates linji

“ from my error-ridden point of view, mere parochial monk that I am  :

there are no buddhas, and no sentient beings

there is nothing ancient, and nothing modern

the thing to obtain is something already possessed

it doesn’t happen with the passage of time

it isn’t cultivated, nor is it experienced

it isn’t obtained, nor is it lost

in every instance  :  no dharma apart from this ”

my  “ rectification ”

buddhas and sentient beings

ancient and modern

the obtained is not

already possessed

yet what is possessed is not already obtained

time has no passage

cultivated and experienced

discard  “ the truth ”  as inadequate

‘ loop quantum gravity ’  implies  a  “ big bounce ”  rather than a   “ big bang ”  and no singularity in black holes, but rather a funnel  “ to another branch of the space-time ”

zen makes the mistake of supposing singularities when in fact there is something else broader going on

things exist for a while, then they go

there is no meaning beyond this

sepehr  writes

Andrew, I have a sincere question, something that has been nagging me for some time

Before giving my question, I want to tell you about two dreams I’ve recently had

I recently had two dreams in a row

My first dream involved finding myself in a labyrinthine library, which had multiple levels

There was a faint irrradiance that permeated the entire setting

Each book on the shelves glowed as if begging to be grabbed

I found myself on the topmost level, and from the corner, a refulgence of light engulfed me

I trudged towards the most luminescent of books and picked it up

Beautiful and serene, I flipped through it without forethought

What moved me were the most beautiful of all vistas, invigorating my entire being with peace and calm

Picturesque and idyllic, the enchanting pictures emanated divine light, perfect order and stability

Its paintings were reminiscent of more otherworldly illustrations of Alfred Bestall or Maxfield Parrish

A picture book of absolute goodness, a Perfect Platonic form

I wanted to take this book to share with my wife

I woke for the first time, hoping it was in my clasped right hand

My hand kept opening and closing as I gazed upon it with one open eye

Back to sleep once more, I attempted again to cling to the book, this time harder, to bring it to the actual world of matter

I failed once more

I realized that no matter how many times I vainly tried to bring forth this book of absolute light of goodness, this Book of Spenta Mainyu, that it would forever remain in the recesses of this dream world

I gave up, for fear that after too many attempts, new dreams would overtake me thereby causing this comforting one to dissolve

I gently replaced the book on the shelf

It is as if all the generosity, loving-kindness, and wisdom of this world were condensed into its purest and benevolent of all forms within that angelic book

In the foyer of the library, I conversed with several people reading books

“ How can I bring books from this library to the actual world ? ” I inquired

“ Oh, you cannot bring any of those books to such a world ”  one of them replied

I became silent and morose

The dream ended, and I laid hopeless in bed.

Being still tired, it took me five minutes to fall asleep once more

The second dream occurred in a gas station

While walking around idly, the scene struck me as immensely decrepit and dirty

Stains of defecation were in the corners and all processed foods were expired

The main cashier seemed bored, reading a newspaper without a care in the world

I came across a peculiar magazine rack

Without much forethought, my hand glided towards a conspicuous magazine from which emitted a murky darkness

Appalled, it took my dream-mind a couple of seconds to process what it beheld  :  the book’s covering felt akin to skin and little strings dangled on the bottom

My fingers caressed its strings

“ No, it couldn’t be ”  I whispered

These flimsy strings were from human entrails, their stench unbearable

I became too fearful to open the book

Eventually, some great unworldly dark temptation took hold of me, and I gently opened the book

Inside were pictures of dismembered children that shocked me whereby no words can do justice to the horror, like a dark net engulfing one in its madness

As I flipped through the pages they became increasingly more chaotic and disorderly, the faces of blood and agony feeling even more frightening in this dreamworld

I immediately put the Book of Angra Mainyu back onto the rack

It is as if all the greed, hatred, and delusion of this world were condensed into its purest and malevolent of all forms within that infernal book

My question is this  :

How do the books of absolute light and darkness relate to Infinity ?

Are they both expressions of Infinity, or is only the Book of Absolute Light an expression of Infinity ?

I have a hard time coming to terms with the Book of Absolute Darkness relating to Infinity

I prefer thinking of the book of darkness as being empty of Infinity and the book of light as full of Infinity, but I am not sure if this is honest, since it leads to more Gnostic sensibilities rather than Zen

Granted, I am interested in your thoughts

my reply

that’s good writing and the dreams are interesting

both the book and the magazine are true of infinity and both occur in life

you can’t bring the book back, but its already there open at the right page and occasionally we stumble across it, the problem is we don’t generally realise its significance

i think the great fallacy of zen is to create some false schema of being able to access the book as always open, but its not, in fact the whole art is to recognise the right page when it does open, which is not that often

the human animal in the social context is a murderous bullshitter, by themselves they are not so bad

the words of another coming across time and space

are illuminating

they don’t put bread on the table

they take it from the table

but those realms take us from the crowds and are of infinity

the words of another coming across time and space

are illuminating

they don’t put bread on the table, indeed the opposite

but those realms take us from the crowds and are of infinity