this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items

that don't warrant a page by themselves

or seem to fit better here



pending poems  index



chronological order is from the bottom to the top of the page



audio files can be complemented by listening to them  with the eyes closed   !



sepehr g.  w r i t e s

the best poetry makes you experience the  “ semantic content  (meaning)  without explicit memory ”  and it still has abstract depth and complexity.  it is of plane of immanence and infinite

my  r e p l y

i think  “ the best poetry ”  ties into explicit memory in a general way, that is it excites your own memories to fill in for what is written !

“ I just set the hills  near my house aflame  and am monitoring the local fire department's radio.  They just started heading over to it. It's been burning for about 30 minutes at the moment ”

ed.  27th july 2015

his further comments

Indeed I do care about being caught !  I know I don't deserve it, but I hope beyond hopes that I stay free.  I wish I could control myself, I really do.  What I did was morally wrong, and I only wished I cared.  I might be throwing my bright future into the flames, as you will

I had been fire-setting free for a year.  But I've lost control.  I can feel myself slipping though the cracks.  I feel like I'm being swept away by a riptide in the night, dark and uncaring in reality.  I don't know why, but I got severely depressed and couldn't stop myself any longer.  This monster in me is clawing its way out, and I am terrified.

I have a therapist, but I don't want him reporting me to the police

Somewhere in the Midwest United States  (ed. where he lives or claims to live)

Yes.  I'm also a diagnosed Anti-Social Personality Disorder, AKA a sociopath.  So it won't work to guilt me into anything

Honestly.  I am a monster, plain and simple.  I couldn't control myself tonight, and I wish I had.  I wish I felt something but I feel...nothing.  Nothing at all.  Nothing but the thrill of the chase, so to speak.  I still feel emotions, I just lack empathy.

my  q u e s t i o n

how many people have your fires killed or injured so far, you can include the fire fighting crews ! ? would working in a volunteer fire brigade help  (you are obsessed by fire?)  or do you actively seek to kill and maim and get your kicks that way ?

if you stop stitching the d r e a m  w i l l  c o m e  a p a r t !

if you stop stitching the d r e a m  w i l l  c o m e  a p a r t

if you stop stitching the d r e a m w i l l c o m e a p a r t !

if you stop stitching the d r e a m w i l l c o m e a p a r t

if you stop stitching the d r e a m will come apart !

if you stop stitching the d r e a m will come apart

if you stop stitching the dream will come apart

n e a r i n g  s i x t y  i have stepped into the weird and grey world of my own failure !

. .


o


(

n e a r i n g  s i x t y  i have stepped into the weird and grey world of my own failure !

: o (

n e a r i n g  s i x t y  i have stepped into the weird and grey world of my own failure !

n e a r i n g  s i x t y  i have stepped into the weird world of my own failure !

n e a r i n g  s i x t y i have stepped into the weird world of my own failure !

n e a r i n g s i x t y i have stepped into the weird world of my own failure !

n e a r i n g s i x t y i have stepped into the weird world of my own failure

i donated blood last wednesday evening ,  the first time in 17 months !

i notice i have been dreaming much more ,   less iron in the hippocampus  ?


the problem with entertainment, horror, suspense, romance whatever . .

is the plot is modulated   to create islands  of high information content absorption . .

that is you fill/trash your brain at a deep level with junk . .

the dilemma of the modern generation with the high velocity profusion from various media

.

.

not saying it wasn't a problem in my d a y !

life is an endless succession of mistakes, a few of them very bad, if you can avoid any of them being fatal you have succeeded !

life is an endless succession of mistakes, a few of them very bad, if you can avoid them being fatal you have succeeded !

life is an endless succession of mistakes, a few of them very bad, if you can avoid them being fatal you have succeeded

personally i have never found anyone with real insight from psychedelics, too skew or something  !  : o) (

lots of inability to dialogue and stupid hubric aggression though !

interestingly ,  tibetan buddhism is like a  “trip” ,  and there's a similar sort of stupidity to both ! : o)

personally i have never found anyone with real insight from psychedelics, too skew or something  !  : o) (

lots of inability to dialogue and stupid hubric aggression though !

interestingly ,  tibetan buddhism is like a  “trip” ,  and there's a sort of stupidity to both ! : o)

personally i have never found anyone with real insight from psychedelics, too skew or something  !  : o) (

lots of inability to dialogue and stupid hubric aggression though !

interestingly, tibetan buddhism is like a  “trip” ,  and there's a sort of stupidity to both ! : o)

personally i have never found anyone with real insight from psychedelics, too skew or something  !  : o) (

lots of inability to dialogue and stupid hubric aggression though !

personally i have never found anyone with real insight from psychedelics, too skew or something ! : o) (

lots of inability to dialogue and stupid hubric aggression though !

you don't think this is some sort of  d r e a m  that has  c o m e  a p a r t  ?  :  o  (   .   .   .  )

you don't think this is some sort of  d r e a m  that has  c o m e  a p a r t  ?  :  o  (  .   .   . )

you don't think this is some sort of  d r e a m  that has  c o m e  a p a r t  ?  :  o  (  .  .   . )

you don't think this is some sort of  d r e a m  that has  c o m e  a p a r t  ?  :  o  ( )

you don't think this is some sort of  d r e a m  that has  c o m e  a p a r t  ?  :  o  ( )

you don't think this is some sort of  d r e a m  that has  c o m e  a p a r t  ? : o ()

you don't think this is some sort of  d r e a m  that has  c o m e  a p a r t ?  : o ()

you don't think this is some sort of  d r e a m  that has  c o m e  a p a r t ?

you don't think this  is some sort of d r e a m  that has c o m e a p a r t ?

you don't think this is some sort of d r e a m that has c o m e a p a r t ?

vitamin D3   is not actually a vitamin, but an anti-inflammatory steroid and one i find quite useful for joint pain and problems !

“ At 16 years old,  I was dared to let a guy hit me with his car. I was a weightlifter, and thought I could handle it.  The damage done to my back continues to worsen every year. I've never recovered fully; that was 15 years ago.  -  I jumped when he hit, so I didn't get rolled over.  -  he was going 31  (ed. mph?)  on impact  -  my strength caused my pride/stupidity ”

plenty more  equal or worse  ! : o (

every now and then  (actually quite rare !)  one comes across a poem that makes one realize that the author operates in a different altogether exhaulted sphere of competence and clarity of observation

one such poem  (written in 1909)  is by osip mandelstam from his first collection  ‘ stone ’  (1913)

credit is also due to the translator, robert tracey

against pale blue enamel, the shade

that only april can bring

the birch tree’s branches swayed

and shyly it was evening

the pattern, precise and complete

a network of thinly etched lines

like the ones on a porcelain plate

with its carefully drawn design

the dear artist designs creates

the design on the glaze’s hardness

at that moment his skill awake

no thought for death’s sadness

the problem with drugs for gut issues is none can be taken long term without bad side effects !

nothing speaks louder than an empty room, something has gone that never was  . . !

. .


o


(


)

nothing speaks louder than an empty room, something has gone that never was  . . !

. .


o


)


(

nothing speaks louder than an empty room, something has gone that never was  . .  !

nothing speaks louder than an empty room, something has gone that never was  . . !

nothing speaks louder than an empty room, something has gone that never was  . .

“ what does it mean that there is no self ? ”

people assume they are asking a meaningful question or the frame of reference they are asking from can encompass an answer !

“ what does it mean that there is no self ? ”

people assume they are asking a meaningful question and/or that the frame of reference they are asking from can encompass an answer !

“ what does it mean that there is no self ? ”

people assume they are asking a meaningful question or /and that the frame of reference they are asking from can encompass an answer !

“ what does it mean that there is no self ? ”

people assume they are asking a meaningful question and that the frame of reference they are asking from can encompass an answer !

“ what does it mean that there is no self ? ”

people assume they are asking a meaningful question or that the frame of reference they are asking from can encompass an answer !

doomed by syphilis   i think !

pjotr47  w r i t e s  in response to a brad warner   p o s t

once upon a time in a morning I looked outside through the window

a deep calmness and feeling of love came over me by simply enjoying the beautiful weather ,  birds were singing and the nice green of the trees was vibrant and alive all this while being sober

a few days later, after almost never using drugs anymore, somebody offered me some MDMA at a party

I took some.  well it felt really annoying, fake, artificial, plastic like, synthetic cotton wool kind of fake, especially with the natural experience as described above still in mind !

and I could not stop this fake feeling it kept on going and going it was gross

compared with the kind calm warm natural feeling of love I can experience while enjoying nature, this MDMA experience is a joke, annoying and not real not even close

I decided never to do MDMA ever again, a nice sunrise will do  ( when it is not too early in the morning )

one day goes into another . . . for the rest of one's life . .

one day goes into another . . . for the rest of one's life

one day . . goes into another . . . for the rest of one's life

with the web, one wants to be careful not to get distracted from the essentials of whatever is necessary in one's life !

. .


o


(

with the web, one wants to be careful not to get distracted from the essentials of whatever is necessary in one's life !

with the web, one wants to be careful not to get distracted from the essentials of whatever is necessary in one's life

free association perhaps, but these words came to mind   after reading your post

hyperlexia

hypermania

hypergraphia

pyschomania

bulimia

anythimia !

: o )



hyperlexia

hypergraphia

pyschomania

bulimia

  anythimia !

: o )



hyperlexia

hypermania

hypergraphia

pyschomania

bulimia

  anythimia !

: o )



hyperlexia

hypermania

hypergraphia

pyschomania

bulimia

  anythimia !

: o ) (

hyperlexia

hypergraphia

pyschomania

bulimia

anythimia !

: o )



hyperlexia

hypergraphia

pyschomania

bulimia

  anythamia !

: o )



hyperlexia

hypermania

hypergraphia

pyschomania

bulimia

  anythamia !

: o )



hyperlexia

hypermania

hypergraphia

pyschomania

bulimia

  anythamia !

: o ) (

hyperlexia

hypergraphia

pyschomania

bulimia

anythamia !

: o )

women are deceptive ,  men deceive

men are deceptive ,  women deceive

deceiving  deceives

huh, woke up this morning with this poem in my head !

easy poem writing 101 ! :o)

actually i really had to work at remembering it as i was pulled out of sleep, you know that drowsy state when starting to wake up !

women are deceptive ,  men deceive

men are deceptive ,  women deceive

deceiving deceives

huh, woke up this morning with this poem in my head !

easy poem writing 101 ! :o)

actually i really had to work at remembering it as i was pulled out of sleep, you know that drowsy state when starting to wake up !

women are deceptive, men deceive

men are deceptive, women deceive

deceiving deceives

huh, woke up this morning with this poem in my head !

easy poem writing 101 ! :o)

actually i really had to work at remembering it as i was pulled out of sleep, you know that drowsy state when starting to wake up !


women are deceptive ,  men deceive

men are deceptive ,  women deceive

deceiving  deceives

women are deceptive ,  men deceive

men are deceptive ,  women deceive

deceiving deceives

women are deceptive, men deceive

men are deceptive, women deceive

deceiving deceives

“ only tell me what i want to hear ,  not what i need to know ! ”

“ only tell me what i want to hear, not what i need to know ! ”

“ only tell me what i want to hear ,  not what i need to know ”

“ only tell me what i want to hear, not what i need to know ”

only tell me what i want to hear ,  not what i need to know

only tell me what i want to hear, not what i need to know

always the problem is what the audience can handle !

. .


o


)


(

always the problem is what the audience can handle !

. .


o


(


)

always the problem is what the audience can handle !

: o ) (

always the problem is what the audience can handle !  : o ) (

always the problem is what the audience can handle !

: o ( )

always the problem is what the audience can handle !  : o ( )

always the problem is what the audience can handle !

always the problem is what the audience can handle

sepehr g.  a s k s

how can i come to love ouroboros, andrew ?

my

r e p l y

you have this continual problem of proxying into the abstract, you need to give real life details    more      ! 

sepehr g.  a s k s

how can i come to love ouroboros, andrew ?

my

r e p l y

you have this continual problem of proxying into the abstract, you need to give real life details more !


koan study may have made sense in societies where illiteracy was the norm ,  but with today's extravagant profusion of reading material it makes no sense at all !

what is needed is reflective working on   the disorder/order border    of the  “ critical ”  area of brain function, not some sub-critical facsimile  !  : o ()

a note :  the above study uses psilocybin to induct an analogue of what i am talking about, but it is an analogue and not the  ‘ spiritually ’  /mystically productive working area !

i have yet to see anyone come to any real insight through drugs and there are good physiological reasons for this !


koan study may have made sense in societies where illiteracy was the norm ,  but with today's extravagant availablity of reading material it makes no sense at all !

what is needed is reflective working on   the disorder/order border    of the  “ critical ”  area of brain function, not some sub-critical facsimile  !  : o ()

a note :  the above study uses psilocybin to induct an analogue of what i am talking about, but it is an analogue and not the  ‘ spiritually ’  /mystically productive working area !

i have yet to see anyone come to any real insight through drugs and there are good physiological reasons for this !

koan study may have made sense in societies where illiteracy was the norm ,  but with today's extravagant profusion of reading material it makes no sense at all !

koan study may have made sense in societies where illiteracy was the norm ,  but with today's extravagant availablity of reading material it makes no sense at all !

koan study may have made sense in societies where illiteracy was the norm, but with today's extravagant availablity of reading material it makes no sense at all !

i'm finding the   notion  of conciousness and   global workspace theory   quite interesting !

i'm finding the notion of conciousness and   global workspace theory   quite interesting !

i'm finding the notion of conciousness and   global workspace theory   quite interesting      ! 

i'm finding the notion of conciousness and   global workspace theory   quite interesting !

 photo by heather pence october 2014

i couldn't make sense of this photo when i first looked at it !

if i had lyme disease i'd be tempted to try   mitomycin C   at the same time as the antibiotic pulse

maybe pulsed is enough, maybe it isn't !

solving health problems is an ongoing experiment !

if i had lyme disease i'd be tempted to try   mitomycin C   at the same time as the antibiotic pulse

one up on you gesshin   i had a japanese friend at school  (auckland, new zealand) ,  shimpi? ,  we got together, hid behind a door and jumped the class bully after he came through, beating him up so well he never was a problem again !

i was boarding and once went out to his home on sunday leave and somehow managed to disrupt their shinto shrine !

playing with something on it i think !

he taught me two japanese phrases for good boy and bad boy . .  i just googled what i thought were them phonetically in japanese and can't match up . .

gesshin, your problem with friendship is like your projections onto buddhism, too much self willed imagination and not enough reality testing !

in fact i would say that  “buddhism”  has become some sort of life escapist novel for you much good it will do you ! ?

at sixty will you be left holding an urn of ashes, yourself ? :o()

any number of posturing madmen on the net

the endless churn of morons takes one's breath away !

. .


o


(

any number of posturing madmen on the net

the endless churn of morons takes one's breath away

. .


o


(

any number of posturing madmen on the net

the endless churn of morons takes one's breath away ! :o(

any number of posturing madmen on the net

the endless churn of morons takes one's breath away !

any number of posturing madmen on the net

the endless churn of morons takes one's breath away

any number of posturing madmen on the net

the sheer depth  “ of the talent ”  takes one's breath away ! :o(

any number of posturing madmen on the net

the sheer depth  “of the talent”  takes one's breath away ! :o(

any number of posturing madmen on the net

the sheer depth of  “the talent”  takes one's breath away ! :o(

any number of posturing madmen on the net !

. .


o


(

any number of posturing madmen on the net

. .


o


(

any number of posturing madmen on the net !

any number of posturing madmen on the net

perhaps i should cry at the way life has turned out for me, the hopeless stupidity

perhaps i could cry at the way life has turned out for me, the hopeless stupidity

sometimes i cry at the way life has turned out for me, the hopeless stupidity

an interesting   account   from the springwater website !

“ when beth approached the end of her long exposition, suddenly, to her great surprise, the answer to her question emerged from within her

she was astonished ! ”

in those days  (ed.  my staying at zen centers and springwater in the usa)  it was quite inexpensive to stay as a guest, so basically i just had a lot of time to wander, let's call it   “ retreat ”

i took part in the center retreats and daily liturgies, which having spent a lot of my young life in episcopalian/anglican boarding schools, never gave me much trouble !

basically i was looking for a teacher who seemed to understand what it was all about and basically that was only toni packer

once you get to a certain level you are not dependent on teachers at all, it's just a lifelong work then by yourself !

so it's really hard to understand you have to look across the generations to find others who understand

it's lonely and community is an illusion !

self pity

“ at least some-one pities you ”  !

. .


o


(


)

self pity

“ at least some-one pities you ”  !

. .


o


(

self pity

“ at least some-one pities you ”  !

self pity

“ at least some-one pities you ! ”

self pity

“ at least some-one pities you !”

self pity

“ at least some-one pities you ”

self pity

at least some-one pities you

when people have profound disagreements ,  they part ways !

when people have profound disagreements ,  they part ways

when people have profound disagreements, they part ways !

when people have profound disagreements, they part ways

powerful medications have powerful side effects !

the truth of medications is very few are liveable long term !

. .


o


(


)

powerful medications have powerful side effects !

the truth of medications is very few are liveable long term !

. .


o


(

powerful medications have powerful side effects !

the truth of medications is very few are liveable long term !

powerful medications have powerful side effects !

the truth of medications is very few are liveable long term

powerful medications have powerful side effects

the truth of medications is very few are liveable long term

thich nhat hanh  (ed.  july 2015)  has to come to the usa for hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical care  (read millions) ,  this  e n l i g h t e n e d  b e i n g  w h o  f e e l s  t h e  n e e d  t o  p r o l o n g  h i s  l i f e  a t  8 8

or more likely, the disciples are petrified of him dying and exposing the empty vapidity of their lives

you've had a good run thay with your bullshit . . .

welcome to the world of  “ medical hell ”   !    : 0 )


i think for my vision with the sixth patriarch, my brain must have been able to form the equivalent of ,  or something analogous to a bose-einstein condensate

i suppose the brain must have become that, a macroscopic identity of a single quantum wave so that quantum truths could occur and come come through to ordinary reality

this is the genuine zen dia kensho experience

god the puling frauds this world is full of those who blinded by eyes full of bullshit pretend to something they have the back of their heads turned too !

i get sick of dealing with these retards ,  . . .

“ ultimately the condensate size could not exceed approximately 100 micrometres  (ed.  macroscopic quantum behavior with bosons)

beyond this limit, the condensate   begins to destroy itself   fragmenting and creating vortices ”

 Andrei Tarkovsky, his sister, Marina, and their mother, Maria Vishnyakova

pretty much    the mirror    i'd say !

. .


o


)

it's not a world of endless adversaries, though most people seem to act as if it is !

. .


o


(


)

it's not a world of endless adversaries, though most people seem to act as if it is !

. .


o


(

it's not a world of endless adversaries, though most people seem to act as if it is !

it's not a world of endless adversaries, though most people seem to act as if it is

it's not a world of endless adversaries, though most people act as if it is !

it's not a world of endless adversaries, though most people act as if it is

if only health issues were solved by emotional posturing !

but they are solved by problem solving and an effective cognitive style, abilities not well represented on reddit !

don't worry we're all peas in a pod, but the malfunctionality makes one cry . . !

: o )(

don't worry we're all peas in a pod, but the  malfunctionality  makes one cry . . !

don't worry we're all peas in a pod, but the malfunctionality makes one cry . .

i think what i am saying basically is if you do some investigation that there are much better health outcomes available than just relying on doctors  . .  !

it's all much more  “ unknown ” than we think !


laura mersini-houghton

I          II ( audio )

my experience and view is that people who adopt an uncritical attitude to medicine for their health problems have a very poor quality of life compared to what is achievable and they do nothing but abuse you when you suggest they would benefit by being more proactive !

my experience and view is that people who adopt an uncritical attitude to medicine for their health problems have a very poor quality of life compared to what is achievable and do nothing but abuse you when you suggest they would benefit by being more proactive !

my experience and view is that people who adopt an uncritical attitude to medicine for their health problems have a very poor quality of life compared to what is achievable

jason dafonte writes

couple of years ago I was hanging out with my girlfriend at the time at my house.  it was time for her to leave and so she left, but a minute or two later I heard a door SLAM upstairs and then footsteps run out through the back door.  I immediately thought a robber was in my house and I went into the cutlery cabinet to get a knife.  I ran outside ready to stab somebody and protect my girlfriend, but turns out it was just my friend messing with me trying to scare me.  I was definitely ready to stab somebody though

my

r e p l y

jason, you should look at the self defence laws in your state, i don't know what the situation is where you live but here you are only entitled to use lethal force if your own life is in danger, that is if you kill a burglar who presented no danger to you then you will do a lot of jail time !

how far does trust compared to doing sorting out yourself get you in life ?

from reddit medical

“ I had the worst pain in my feet that came on me at the end of winter a few years ago.  I never had anything like it in my life.  As soon as I stepped out of bed in the morning, I had to hobble around for an hour or two until it went away.  I was also getting pain in my joints.  So I went in for a physical, thinking I had Lyme disease or something.  My doc said he'd run a blood test for Lyme, but he thought I may have a vitamin D deficiency going on.  So that long test for Lyme comes back negative, but the Vitamin D is really low.  So he tells me to supplement 2,000 units per day. I did that and within a month, I noticed one day that I was getting up out of bed with no foot pain and the joint pain went away also.  I couldn't believe it.  So I'm a true believer now ”

basically horror stories and films are superstitious, it's a different destructive paradigm of reality

no wonder young women are getting screwed up by this sort of nonsense !

winters        hocking

basically horror stories and films are superstitious, it's a different destructive paradigm of reality


near infrared enables illuminated mitochondria to create more ATP

“ normally the layer of water next to any solid object has high surface tension, making it viscous, like molasses

when surface layers of water are illuminated with the red light, it increases the distance between each water molecule, making the liquid   become runnier

mitochondria are powered by an enzyme bound into their membranes

it spins like a molecular turbine, and being surrounded by runnier water should make it turn more easily, generating more ATP ”


“ without supersymmetry ,  (ed.  no such particles detected by the large hadron collider)  the higgs boson mass seems as if it is reduced not by mirror-image effects but by random and improbable cancellations between unrelated numbers  —  essentially, the initial mass of the higgs seems to exactly counterbalance the huge contributions to its mass from gluons, quarks, gravitational states and all the rest

and if the universe is improbable, then many physicists argue that it must be one universe   of many   just a rare bubble in an endless, foaming  “ multiverse ”

we observe this particular bubble, the reasoning goes, not because its properties make sense, but because its peculiar higgs boson is conducive to the formation of atoms and, thus, the rise of life

more typical bubbles, with their planck-size higgs bosons, are uninhabitable ”

andrei linde gives   the 2015 oppenheimer lecture

martin bojowald   says

“ it may seem more appropriate to talk of separate universes instead of one, however connected larger structure

each of these expanding patches has its own beginning when space-time emerges by signature change from 4-dimensional space, giving it a clear status as a universe of its own ”

the world will not thank you for a better criticism of some-one else's writing, it will only thank you for your own writing !

the world will not thank you for a better criticism of some-one else's writing, it will only thank you for your own writing

the world will not thank you for a better criticism of some-one else's writing, it will only thank you for writing your own stuff !

the world will not thank you for a better criticism of some-one else's writing, it will only thank you for writing your own stuff

meaning is an endless fluid flow of moving fields

v3

meaning is an endless fluid flow of changing moving fields

meaning is an endless fluid flow  of changing moving fields

meaning is an endless fluid flow   of changing moving fields

v2

meaning is a fluid flow of moving fields

meaning is a fluid flow  of moving fields

v1

poetry is endless fluid form of moving fields

poetry  is endless fluid form of moving fields

poetry  is an endless fluid form of moving fields

v3

poetry is endless fluid forms of moving fields

poetry  is endless fluid forms of moving fields

v2

poetry is endless moving forms of fluid fields

poetry  is endless moving forms of fluid fields

v1

lee smolin   interview   ! 

contemplation/ meditation /solitude can be just sitting or walking around in a quiet room where you live for half an hour !

being out in natural scenery is nice but you can't do that all the time !

contemplation/meditation/solitude can be just sitting or walking around in a quiet room where you live for half an hour !

being out in natural scenery is nice but you can't do that all the time !

contemplation/ meditation /solitude can be just sitting or walking around in a quiet room where you live for half an hour !

contemplation/meditation/solitude can be just sitting or walking around in a quiet room where you live for half an hour !

contemplation can be just sitting or walking around in a quiet room where you live for half an hour !

being out in natural scenery is nice but you can't do that all the time !

contemplation can be just sitting or walking around in a quiet room where you live for half an hour !

“    no matter how much I try to reach out to others ,  I am always alone.  once you recognize this solipsistic truth, I think the solitude stretches everywhere, right ? ”

nup !

that's a specious rationalization and just underlies the problem of you not being  “ self-aware ” !

you are using entertainment as a proxy for the needed unstitching and restitching of self that solitude gives !

“ no matter how much I try to reach out to others, I am always alone.  once you recognize this solipsistic truth, I think the solitude stretches everywhere, right ? ”

nup !

that's a specious rationalization and just underlies the problem of you not being  “ self-aware ” !

you are using entertainment as a proxy for the needed unstitching and restitching of self that solitude gives !

gesshin, i think you are afraid to step into the instability of yourself !

all this buddhist crap  is just your attempting to garner some normalized stability, but your brain is unstable and will always crucify your attempts

better just go with who you are with a weather eye on intelligent survival !

is it possible to get an hour of solitude a day ? if you can't get an hour, what about half an hour !

you need to increase your self awareness, see the vortices about which we all pivot . .  believe me, when one sees that one gets alot more skeptical about life ! :o)

zen is solipsist and doesn't give a fig  for social engagement  or other retarded nonsense, you can only believe in that sort of thing if you have never studied human history which is basically about the collective insanity of homicidal morons ! :o)

zen is solipsist and doesn't give a fig for social engagement or other retarded nonsense, you can only believe in that sort of thing if you have never studied human history which is basically about the collective insanity of homicidal morons ! :o)

if school is a prison, how much more so boarding school !

if school is a prison, how much more so boarding school

school is a form of prison really !

the prisoners do nothing but fight amongst themselves and oppress each other !

school is a form of prison really

the prisoners do nothing but fight amongst themselves and oppress each other !

school is a form of prison !

the prisoners do nothing but fight amongst themselves and oppress each other !

school is a form of prison

the prisoners do nothing but fight amongst themselves and oppress each other !

school is a form of prison really !

school is a form of prison really

school is a form of prison !

school is a form of prison

the 7th patriarch blog has one rule, no links to horror videos or books unless they are one's own original writings !

they destructively distort one's sense of reality as well as trivializing the plenty of real life horror around !

the 7th patriarch blog   has one rule, no links to horror videos or books !

they destructively distort one's sense of reality as well as trivializing the plenty of real life horror around !

the 7th patriarch blog   has one rule, no links to horror videos or books

they destructively distort one's sense of reality as well as trivializing the plenty of real life horror around !

the 7th patriarch blog has one rule, no links to horror videos or books

i have found it prudential over the years to completely avoid horror movies and books because i am imaginative, live a solitary life, am often out at night and it's a waste of time anyway

a key point to understanding   ‘ the hunting of the snark ’ ,  is that the baker's uncle in   ‘ fit the third ’  was charles dodgeson's actual uncle robert ludwidge who was killed by a lunatic asylum patient during an inspection visit !

apparently thimbles, forks, and soap were items that were inspected !

the poem was started a year after his uncle's death

interestingly, at almost twice the price the whiskas brand cat pellets are distinctly preferred by the feral cat family around here to the generic  “ homebrand/smartbuy ”  or whatever and they seem to do better as well on the whiskas !

in contrast the   “ homebrand/smartbuy ”  dishwashing liquid seems as good as any of the higher priced brand names !

“ differences in the number of oil-secreting glands in the skin may help explain why wrinkles are shallower in the forehead than in the outer eye area, the presence of oil-secreting glands and a thinner inner layer of skin, or dermis, may let the skin deform more easily and might be a cause for the development of wrinkles ”

people just go full forward until their health runs out !

never a meaningful backwards glance !

people just go full forward until their health runs out !

never a meaningful backwards glance

people just go full forward until their health runs out

never a meaningful backwards glance

people just go full forward u n t i l t h e i r h e a l t h r u n s  out  !

people just go full forward u n t i l t h e i r h e a l t h r u n s  out !

people just go full forward u n t i l t h e i r h e a l t h r u n s  out

people just go full forward u n t i l t h e i r h e a l t h r u n s out

people just go full forward u n t i l  t h e i r  h e a l t h  r u n s  out

people just go full forward until their health r u n s  out

people just go full forward until their health runs out


at the crossroads yet again ,  all arms point to my crucifixion, what do i do ?

at the crossroads yet again ,  all arms point to my crucifixion, what do i do

at the crossroads again ,  all arms point to my crucifixion, what do i do ?

at the crossroads again ,  all arms point to my crucifixion, what do i do

joseph grimaldi developed the stylistic uniform for today's clowns, maybe the white makeup had white lead in, the effects are . . . . . .  when you look  at his life !

with the web, one wants to be careful not to get distracted from the essentials of whatever is necessary in one's life !

with the web, one wants to be careful not to get distracted from the essentials of whatever is necessary in one's life

“ in middle school,   I got called ugly   every day.  mainly because of my acne. I have PCOS, so my acne is  extremely severe  and disgusting.  (I'm also extremely hairy.)  I did take acne medication prescribed to me by my dermatologist but none of them worked

[...]  they continued to be cruel to me anyway.  even the other unpopular kids who were also teased bullied me too, which is awful because they knew what pain I was going through

one time, the handsome popular boy held the door open for almost the entire class.  I was last in line.  when it was time for me to walk through the door, he looked me dead in the eye, then he let go of the door and walked away.  it was a big heavy door

it nearly slammed me in the face and busted my nose, but luckily I caught it by this much ”

my

r e p l y

35%   hydrogen peroxide    works really well for acne

“ the handsome popular boy held the door open ”

he was just using you to boost his vanity !

i have been maybe  2  years on reddit, bit of a black hole to fall into if you are overprone to   “ volunteerism ”  like me, i try to make it work for me by getting some needed processing on in certain subjects !

one draws some interesting conclusions after awhile, like most people on the askdocs and medical boards are there because of the sheer incompetence of their problem solving processes and habit of proxing their problems onto others looking for quick solutions when they will do no web research or effective thinking or experimentation for themselves at all !

other areas of reddit are quite good, anecdotal, discussion, helps you see how other people live and think

but i would have to say a characteristic of the general reddit audience is to be closed minded and aggressive with it . .  !

as i have got older i have learnt to be more experimental, open about possibilities and unfavourable outcomes usually being the majority case . . maybe that only comes with age ?

part of meditation or contemplation is developing a deeper awareness of personal patterns through self reflection !

. .


o


)


(

part of meditation or contemplation is developing a deeper awareness of personal patterns through self reflection !

part of meditation or contemplation is developing a deeper awareness of personal patterns through self reflection

well i have wasted a large portion of my life pursuing irreconcilables, no reason you shouldn't do    the same  !

 :  0  (

well i have wasted a large portion of my life pursuing irreconcilables, no reason you shouldn't do    the same  !

: o (

well i have wasted a large portion of my life pursuing irreconcilables, no reason you shouldn't do    the same  !

well i have wasted a large portion of my life pursuing irreconcilables, no reason you shouldn't do the same !

well i have wasted a large portion of my life pursuing irreconcilables, no reason you shouldn't do the same

murray shanhan on conciousness

overview      artifical conciousness      bcbt ’ 14

the following was included with the first edition of the hunting of the snark

An Easter Greeting to Every Child Who Loves  “ Alice ”

DEAR CHILD,

Please to fancy, if you can, that you are reading a real letter, from a real friend whom you have seen, and whose voice you can seem to yourself to hear wishing you, as I do now with all my heart, a happy Easter

Do you know that delicious dreamy feeling when one first wakes on a summer morning, with the twitter of birds in the air, and the fresh breeze coming in at the open window  —  when, lying lazily with eyes half shut, one sees as in a dream green boughs waving, or waters rippling in a golden light ?  It is a pleasure very near to sadness, bringing tears to one's eyes like a beautiful picture or poem.  And is not that a Mother's gentle hand that undraws your curtains, and a Mother's sweet voice that summons you to rise ?  To rise and forget, in the bright sunlight, the ugly dreams that frightened you so when all was dark — to rise and enjoy another happy day, first kneeling to thank that unseen Friend, who sends you the beautiful sun ?

Are these strange words from a writer of such tales as  “ Alice ” ?  And is this a strange letter to find in a book of nonsense ?  It may be so.  Some perhaps may blame me for thus mixing together things grave and gay; others may smile and think it odd that any one should speak of solemn things at all, except in church and on a Sunday: but I think  —  nay, I am sure  —  that some children will read this gently and lovingly, and in the spirit in which I have written it

For I do not believe God means us thus to divide life into two halves  —  to wear a grave face on Sunday, and to think it out-of-place to even so much as mention Him on a week-day.  Do you think He cares to see only kneeling figures, and to hear only tones of prayer  —  and that He does not also love to see the lambs leaping in the sunlight, and to hear the merry voices of the children, as they roll among the hay ?  Surely their innocent laughter is as sweet in His ears as the grandest anthem that ever rolled up from the  “ dim religious light ”  of some solemn cathedral ?

And if I have written anything to add to those stores of innocent and healthy amusement that are laid up in books for the children I love so well, it is surely something I may hope to look back upon without shame and sorrow  ( as how much of life must then be recalled ! )  when my turn comes to walk through the valley of shadows

This Easter sun will rise on you, dear child, feeling your  “ life in every limb ” and eager to rush out into the fresh morning air  —  and many an Easter-day will come and go, before it finds you feeble and gray-headed, creeping wearily out to bask once more in the sunlight  —  but it is good, even now, to think sometimes of that great morning when the  “ Sun of Righteousness shall arise with healing in his wings ”

Surely your gladness need not be the less for the thought that you will one day see a brighter dawn than this  —  when lovelier sights will meet your eyes than any waving trees or rippling waters  —  when angel-hands shall undraw your curtains, and sweeter tones than ever loving Mother breathed shall wake you to a new and glorious day  —  and when all the sadness, and the sin, that darkened life on this little earth, shall be forgotten like the dreams of a night that is past !

Your affectionate friend,

LEWIS CARROLL

EASTER, 1876

arts degrees are just a way of keeping the untalented occupied  !

arts degrees are just a way of keeping the untalented occupied !

arts degrees are just a way of keeping the untalented occupied

arts degrees are a way of keeping the untalented occupied  !

arts degrees are a way of keeping the untalented occupied !

arts degrees are a way of keeping the untalented occupied

reddit  travel      patagonia   mongolia

 'modernity', (my title), top of a sand dune in the ica desert, peru. 1200 x 801 by mostlyoverland

anyone    familiar   with josef stalin's life and russian history would find this sort of thing facile !


“ rapid eye movement or REM sleep actively converts waking experiences into lasting memories and abilities in young brains

it acts like the chemical developer in old-fashioned photography to make traces of experience more permanent and focused in the brain,   experience   is fragile, these traces tend to vanish without REM sleep and the brain basically forgets what it saw ”

you have had an injury equivalent to a soldier getting blasted by an IED

ed.  a nasty headbutt to the temple in lacrosse !

you will have problems  your entire life, anything that helps the brain recover is beneficial !

absolute rest is essential, a good diet, quality krill oil, no alcohol etc !

“ enzymes are extraordinary biocatalysts able to speed up the cellular, chemical reactions several million times

this increase of speed is completely necessary for all biological life, which would otherwise be limited by the slow nature of vital chemical reactions

so-called  high-energy states in enzymes are regarded as necessary for   the catalysing   of chemical reactions

a high-energy level is a protein structure only occurring temporarily and for a short period of time  ”

so, yesterday i took a friend's suv i had the care of to town for several repairs, one of which was the brake hydralic line which left me driving with only the handbrake, a bit dicey, but ok really with not much traffic, anyway i made it and caught a taxi at the stand for the 25 minutes drive back !

on the way i was supposed to pick up some mail, but i clean forgot because i was pointing out we needed to take a different route, the usual way i take had some large stones on, not good for a conventional vehicle . .  and commented to the driver that at my age that sort of memory lapse was worrying . .

it might just be a memory lapse or it could be something e l s e ! .  : o (

he agreed, i wasn't sure how old he was, perhaps in his late sixties or early seventies . .

he said he writes down what he needs to remember, that does the job, and he doesn't even need to read what he wrote

he wasn't familiar with the route we were taking and started to seem very interested in the fare once we got close to my home he asked the distance to go and i said about four and half kilometers after some mutual discussion about how far a kilometer was . .

anyway the upshot was that he noticed that the fare on this new route was a dollar cheaper than a previous time when we had gone the normal route a month or so previously so the new route was actually shorter !

donna willam's   description   of her father

“ my father was diverse.  he was a lover of art, kind, responsible, generous, romantic, nostalgic and loyal.  he was inspiring, colorful, creative, funny, silly, wild, manic and grandiose. He was childish, self pitying, pouty.  he was deranged, perverse, immoral, dangerous.  he was compulsive, conscientious, resilient and competitive.  he was a father and a madman, a child and a maniac, a workaholic and a fighter, a gambler and a binge drinker, and he was bacchus ”

ringworm  can be a sign of low zinc

and fungal conditions generally actually !

taking   zinc

bonnie_situation  a s k s

I'm female, 44 years old, history of depression and anxiety, prescribed antidepressants and mood stabilizers. in march of 2014, I overdosed  (accidentally)  on xanax and lost most of my hearing for about 2 weeks.  took steroids and hearing improved. then in May of 2014, I overdosed on oxycodone, nearly died.  doctors wouldn't give me steroids.  since then, I have constant ringing in my ears.  any chance this might resolve ?  would taking steroids after all this time help ?

my reply

a good quality krill oil will help the myelin recover, tinnitus is a loss of myelin on the hearing nerves !

vitamin D3 is a steroid !

od'ing usually doesn't work, the body shuts down first leaving potentially bad damage as you found out !

bonnie_situation  r e p l i e s

it almost worked when I overdosed, coded and had to be brought back.  thanks for the suggestion, I'm starting krill oil today

my  reply

also keep even medium loud sounds to a minimum

you didn't have to be  “brought back”  actually, it's just a value judgment of western culture !

copper  is one of the best supplements for depression !

bonnie_situation   w r i t e s

it almost worked when I overdosed, coded and had to be brought back.  thanks for the suggestion, I'm starting krill oil today

my

r e p l y

you didn't have to be  “brought back”  actually, it's just a value judgment of western culture !

copper  is one of the best supplements for depression !

the more i look at erwin rommel   [  I   II  ]  ,   the more i realise he was a brilliant  “ land war ”  tactitican  ,  but a very poor strategist, screamingly poor !

this great venerated  “ desert fox ”

the north african situation was always hopeless because the germans were well outclassed in the air, doesn't matter how good your tanks are if you don't have control of the air !

he was still fighting WWI !

what he did was just take scarce resources from the eastern front where they were desperately needed !

so he significantly contributed to the increasing failure of the german war effort !

the real craziness of war is to keep fighting when you know you have lost, it was obvious from about mid 1942 that germany had lost and hitler knew it !

rommel also supported the invasion of poland which was one of germanies outstanding strategic mistakes!

personally he was a fink and blanched at being directly involved in the plot to kill hitler, much good that did him as he was effectively executed by the  SS !

“ if I had to take hell, I would use the australians to take it and the new zealanders to hold it ”

H I G H  P R A I S E  !

“ the organization of supplies, the command of men, anything in any way constructive requires more than intellect; it requires energy and drive and an unrelenting will to serve the cause, regardless of one’s personal interests ”

if you ask what conciousness is, you may as well ask what existance is ! ?

. .


o


)


(

if you ask what conciousness is, you may as well ask what existance is ! ?

. .


o


(


)

if you ask what conciousness is, you may as well ask what existance is ! ?

if you ask what conciousness is, you may as well ask what existance is !

if you ask what conciousness is, you may as well ask what existance is

a usual reddit zen fuckwit quotes foyan without understanding what was said and then drips his diabetic piss with some pompous ass comment . .  !

“ in over ten years at one place, I couldn't find a worthy opponent; only when I went elsewhere did I actually see such a person as would live up to my standards ”

are you still challenging your views ?   what are some ways you test ?

zenthrowaway17   r e p l i e s

I leave challenging my views up to other people

I just trounce around obnoxiously and wait for someone to call me out on being a moron

my

r e p l y

this of course is why zenthrowaway17 is such a hazard to his close relatives, especially his parents/ mother ! : o(

hadingeres brushes ,  very faint but when you return your head to the vertical they go !

they are about   the size   of the macular !

i can see them, hopefully this means i have a reduced chance of AMD  !  :  o )

the computer game hexplode, being based around the abelian sandpile model on a finite hexagonal grid where instead of random grain placement, grains are placed by players, is reflective of  criticality

two women violently abused in child hood ,  donna williams  by her mother  and  amanda baggs  by being put on pyschotropic drugs !

both of then so intelligent and so crippled !

they can’t have read   huineng   or they wouldn't bother with all this cultural baggage !


i'm still blinking my eyes having just come across this study this evening, but it exactly addresses the issue of   ‘ inquiry ’  ,  ‘ contemplation ’  or   ‘ meditation ’  !

the argument is that for maximum entropy or to truely excurt the boundary between disorder/order and order/disorder the brain needs to be in its more primitive state

that what we call normal function is a subcritical state with the functioning blinkers of the metacognitive functions that  the study abstract  mentions  !

i think the point of contemplative work is to dwell in the primitive state and implement a sort of software non evolutionarily designed  ‘ reality testing ’  !

as i get older, i get more puzzled ! the trailer  (ed.  pixar  “inside out” )  looked like some frazzled ADD nightmare of downsized intelligence, but the photos   I  II   of those pale blue-purple petals were serene and comforting !

go figure, it's like you moved the rook instead of the queen ?

 'raindrops on hydrangea', photo by lorianne disabato, 28th june 2015

your petals, water drops and leaves photos   are way better   and more true than either  ‘ inside out ’  or  ‘lava’

at some point one has to have some respect for oneself and not be caught in the plagiaristic commercial con of the downsized modern cultural intelligence !

‘lava’  just makes me cringe, knowing as i do the supreme beauty of the native pacific islander, maori and hawaiian songs !

the germans super big fuck up was killing the most productive portion of their middle class when they were going to war !

 This image of Dione was taken with the wide-angle camera aboard Cassini on June 16, 2015. Also making an appearance in this image is Saturn’s moon Enceladus, seen in the upper right, just above the bright line of Saturn’s rings

dione ,  enceladus, the rings of saturn and saturn   somehow evocative ,    i am not sure why ? . .  : o ) ( . .  !

“ dione has probably been tidally locked in its current position for the past several billion years

this is reflected in the average surface albedo of the leading and trailing hemispheres ”

i write as part of a reply on reddit medical

hypoglycemia can lead or be a step on the road to diabetes !

some idiot replies

diabetes is  hyperglycemia

my reply

i was expecting some-one who didn't understand anything about diabetes and its physiological causes to make that mistake !

do some research !

diabetes is several failures including the progression of failure of the pancreatic beta cells which includes hypoglycemia as part of that progression !

it's interesting how much trouble a bit of sperm causes !

it's interesting how much trouble a bit of sperm causes

 Georgia O'Keeffe, left, with Frieda (Mrs. D.H.) Lawrence, taken August 17, 1950, at D. H. Lawrence's Ranch in Taos. Photo by Carl Van Vechte

life is a very strange place !

. .


o


)


(

life is a very strange place !

life is a very strange place

life is avery strange place

d.h. lawrence, his later writings   are really the same content as zen   ! 

The acidity of urine  —  as well as the presence of small molecules related to diet  —  may influence how well bacteria can grow in the urinary tract   a new study shows

if you take Tums  (ed.  is calcium carbonate and i presume strontium would have a similar effect) ,  for example, it makes the urine less acidic

but pH is not the whole story here.

urine is a destination for much of the body's waste in the form of small molecules

it's an incredibly complex medium that is changed by diet, individual genetics and many other factors

solitude inducts change which can be scary !

reddit is anti-cultural, anti-intellectual and pro-ignorance !  :  o  )  .  .  (  .  .

reddit is anti-cultural, anti-intellectual and pro-ignorance !  :  o ) (

reddit is anti-cultural, anti-intellectual and pro-ignorance !  : o)

reddit is anti-cultural, anti-intellectual and pro-ignorance ! : o ) . .  (  .  .

reddit is anti-cultural, anti-intellectual and pro-ignorance ! : o ) (

reddit is anti-cultural, anti-intellectual and pro-ignorance ! : o)

reddit is anti-cultural, anti-intellectual and pro-ignorance! : o ) . .  (  .  .

reddit is anti-cultural, anti-intellectual and pro-ignorance! : o ) (

reddit is anti-cultural, anti-intellectual and pro-ignorance! : o)

reddit is anti-cultural, anti-intellectual and pro - ignorance! : o ) . .  (  .  .

reddit is anti-cultural, anti-intellectual and pro - ignorance! : o ) (

reddit is anti-cultural, anti-intellectual and pro - ignorance! : o)

ennio morricone is really quite listenable !

I           II

my perspective has changed on jehovah's witnesses over the years, i now view them as an unwarranted intrusion on my time and a source of viral contagion !

next time they come   i am going to H I D E    ! 

. .


o


(

my perspective has changed on jehovah's witnesses over the years, i now view them as an unwarranted intrusion on my time and a source of viral contagion !

next time they come i am going to H I D E !

. .


o


(

my perspective has changed on jehovah's witnesses over the years, i now view them as an unwarranted intrusion on my time and a source of viral contagion !

next time they come i am going to H I D E !


girl with a suitcase   ( directed by valerio zurlini ,  ‘ la ragazza con la valigia ’ )  is claudia  cardindale's best film !

well

Sandra

is

pretty

good

  too    !  

: o ) .

i was looking at these spaghetti westerns and they really are just a male dream of supercompetence ! :o(

oddly spagetti westerns   originate   in samurai films ,  akira kurosawa's  ‘ yojimbo ’  and   ‘ seven samurai ’

the real life original gunslinger/super competent samurai was miyamoto musashi and quite a different man from these westerns ,    artistic and unusual  !

i was looking at these spaghetti westerns and they really are just a male dream of supercompetence ! :o(

what shundô aoyama's   really saying ,  is despite the difference in seniority between a student and teacher, mother and child, that it's all a mutual development process . . .

“ practice ”  is a horrible word ,  ‘ activity ’  is really better, or maybe  ‘ shugyo ’  is just best left as is in the english, untranslated but phonetically rendered to give the sound which somewhat connotes its meaning !

-----------------

actually when i look at it again, it's quite typical of zen to take something quite straightforward and with some inversions  (a very dogen /nagarjuna trick)  make obscure gobbledy gook of it !

i can't really say i have found uv effective for pilaris keratosis on the bum from sitting at the computer all day, but what does work very effectively over several weeks is to  ‘ roast ’  your bum in front of a wood heater daily, infrared on the pilaris, the heat excites the immune system, 43°c is the figure for the treatment  (hyperthermia!)  of tumours using the same hyper excitement of the immune system mechanism !

john muir's strangeness was a thing of beauty !

in december 1995 which the beginning of the wet in northern australia and a bit dicey to be travelling in remote places, though it had been a dry  ‘ wet ’  so far, i took the back road from millstream to the northwest coastal highway, i had picked up a virus from karratha, had a migraine and just wanted to rest up for the night, so i stopped at the first robe river crossing and parked up the river bed a bit, surely the most isolated spot i thought, maybe seen two suv's that day and there will be nobody there !

well . .

i dropped off to sleep and this noise started to filter through and woke me, sort of avery distant growl that slowly over the next  3/4  of an hour got closer and closer . .

it was a 4wd with some-one travelling very slowly up the river bed , could eventually see his headlights and he went straight past me going i don't know where and i had to listen to the same noise as he slowly followed the river bed away . .

not the shortest way to pannawonica for sure !

anyway the robe river   was gorgeous ,  one of the most beautiful spots on earth with its clear limpid pools, maybe a trickle flowing through the river bed . .

my reply to   a post   on a reddit thread titled  “ national park rangers and any other profession that takes you far out into the wilderness.  what are the strangest weirdest things you have seen or heard or experienced while out there ? ”

good night vision, doesn't asleep well, likes the night and solitude = autistic spectrum !

quite likely he was pissed at you being there and decided to leave !

john muir   was on autistic spectrum !

you should have said hullo !

a good post   by connie naka on  ‘ the exchange of favours ’  country style, i was brought up in the country and i remember my mother always doing this with neighbours and friends!

god, would that we stayed young forever and never had to deal with any of life's realities !

. .


o


(

god, would that we stayed young forever and never had to deal with any of life's realities ! : o (

god, would that we stayed young forever and never had to deal with any of life's realities !

god, would that we stayed young forever and never had to deal with any of life's realities

god would that we stayed young forever and never had to deal with any of life's realities

would that we stayed young forever and never had to deal with any of life's realities !

. .


o


(

would that we stayed young forever and never had to deal with any of life's realities ! : o (

would that we stayed young forever and never had to deal with any of life's realities !

would that we stayed young forever and never had to deal with any of life's realities


before we were born the dice were rolled

perpetual insanity, developmental disorder .  . relative normalcy

w

h

o

k

n

o

w

s

?

the murder of life or the balm of scented roses

w

h

o

k

n

o

w

s

?

the balm of the scented garden evaporates

the garden roars into flame

consumed beyond belief

all

we  look

for

is a

way

out

of

the pain ! ?

death knocks it's hand on our head

life opens and closes the door

what we glimpsed gives heartache

too bad the bottom has no floor !

“ everybody knows the fight was fixed

the poor stay poor, the rich get rich

that's how it goes ”

unfortunately prophetic in leonard cohen's case with his accountant embezzling all his savings which were considerable !

i think blog writing like   your s  and mine which is a literary form raises questions about the problem of a huge energy going out for the benefit of others that has a huge financial cost with no return . .

or rather the return is simply the processing that writing does . .

i value that, but it's in the f a c e o f a d e n y i n g w o r l d . . : o (

your experience in kwan um zen will have, no doubt brought you face to face with the problems of volunteerism, i feel that all the teachers i met without exception including toni packer would have been better to have never come across zen  . .

your life is burning away rapidly, i think that's some sort of undercurrent you a r e  a w a r e  o f  !  . .

you may not feel it, but that's a very good post you wrote, stretched me to make me think about some life issues i am grappling with ! :o)(

reddit zenners are caught within  ‘ zen ’ ,  they are within a contex, they don't understand that zen fits within something !

reddit zenners are caught within  ‘ zen ’ ,  they are within contex, they don't understand that zen fits within something !

reddit zen is caught within  ‘ zen ’ ,  they are within contex, they don't understand that zen fits within something !

reddit zen is within  ‘ zen ’ ,  they are within contex, they don't understand that zen fits within something !

reddit zen is within  ‘ zen ’ ,  they are caught within contex, they don't understand that zen fits within something !

reddit zen is caught within  ‘ zen ’ ,  they are caught within contex, they don't understand that zen fits within something !

the EMF problem is due to iron in the body being resonated by the magnetic field, so less iron in the diet and blood donation helps !

you can get cheap meters to measure emf, in fact emf from motors, electrical appliances or badly routed mains wiring can be as much an issue as mobile phones !

it's a lot of work and attention to detail to sort out gut issues !

why alzheimers and intelligence are connected is basically dna strand breaks are part of the memory process, but if you have a lot of that breaking and less than perfect repair  . .

it's amazing the insight that genetic analysis can give with complex multifactorial conditions like alzheimers !

it has always puzzled me that alzheimers was not a condition of retardation, but   post intelligence    ! : 0 (

------------------

Early-response genes, which are important for synaptic plasticity and hence memory, are  “switched off”  under basal conditions by topological constraints

Neuronal activity triggers DNA breaks in a subset of early-response genes, which overrides these topological constraints, and  “switches on”  gene expression

The process that allows our brains to learn and generate new memories also leads to degeneration as we age

Each time we learn something new, our brain cells break their DNA, creating damage that the neurons must immediately repair

This process is essential to learning and memory. “ Cells physiologically break their DNA to allow certain important genes to be expressed, in the case of neurons, they need to break their DNA to enable the expression of early response genes, which ultimately pave the way for the transcriptional program that supports learning and memory, and many other behaviors ”

However, as we age, our cells’ ability to repair this DNA damage weakens, leading to degeneration!

“ When we are young, our brains create DNA breaks as we learn new things, but our cells are absolutely on top of this and can quickly repair the damage to maintain the functionality of the system, but during aging, and particularly with some genetic conditions, the efficiency of the DNA repair system is compromised, leading to the accumulation of damage, which is very detrimental ”

In previous research into Alzheimer’s disease in mice, even in the presymptomatic phase of the disorder, neurons in the hippocampal region of the brain contain a large number of DNA lesions, known as double strand breaks

To determine how and why these double strand breaks are generated, and what genes are affected by them, the   researchers   began to investigate what would happen if they created such damage in neurons

They applied a toxic agent to the neurons known to induce double strand breaks, and then harvested the RNA from the cells for sequencing

They discovered that of the 700 genes that showed changes as a result of this damage, the vast majority had reduced expression levels, as expected

Surprisingly though, 12 genes   —   known to be those that respond rapidly to neuronal stimulation, such as a new sensory experience   —   showed increased expression levels following the double strand breaks

To determine whether these breaks occur naturally during neuronal stimulation, the researchers then treated the neurons with a substance that causes synapses to strengthen in a similar way to exposure to a new experience, the treatment very rapidly increased the expression of those early response genes, but it also caused DNA double strand breaks

an enzyme known as topoisomerase IIβ is responsible for the DNA breaks in response to stimulation

When this enzyme was knocked down, both double strand break formation and the expression of early response genes was reduced

why do the genes need such a drastic mechanism to allow them to be expressed ?

DNA sequences near these genes are enriched with a motif, or sequence pattern, for binding to a protein called CTCF

This  “ architectural ”  protein is known to create loops or bends in DNA

In the early-response genes, the bends created by this protein act as a barrier that prevents different elements of DNA from interacting with each other  —  a crucial step in the genes’ expression

The double strand breaks created by the cells allow them to collapse this barrier, and enable the early response genes to be expressed

even though conventional wisdom dictates that DNA lesions are very bad  —  as this ‘damage’ can be mutagenic and sometimes lead to cancer  —  it turns out that these breaks are part of the physiological function of the cell

Previous research has shown that the expression of genes involved in learning and memory is reduced as people age

further studies are planned to determine how the DNA repair system is altered with age, and how this compromises the ability of cells to cope with the continued production and repair of double strand breaks

“ The work elegantly links DNA strand break formation by the enzyme topoisomerase II? to the temporal control of transcription, providing the most compelling evidence to date that this is a core transcriptional control mechanism, this advance will have broad implications ranging from the basic biology of transcription to pathological mechanisms involved in diseases such as Alzheimer’s disease ”

---------------

This is a very important finding as it elucidates one of the key pathways involved in Alzheimer's disease

Activation of the NMDA receptor leads to synaptic plasticity and neurogenesis via the phosphatidylinositol-3 kinase/Akt pathway and to DNA damage via activation of caspases by peroxynitrites

The latter damage can be repaired by PARP under normal circumstances. However, when the production of peroxynitrites exceeds the ability of antioxidants to scavenge them, the neuroprotective phosphatidyinositol-3 kinase/Akt pathway becomes blocked and caspases cleave PARP so that DNA damage cannot be repaired. Unrepaired DNA damage and the subsequent mitochondrial failure and the death of neurons can occur without either amyloid or neurofibrillary tau tangles being present

Or put another way one can have Alzheimer's disease without having either amyloid or tau tangles

Peroxynitrites also inhibit the release and synthesis of neurotransmitters involved in short-term memory, sleep, mood, social recognition and alertness, and reduce blood flow and the transport of glucose in the brain which can lead to apathy, wandering, and delusions.

the childless concubines of qin shi huang didn't even make coffin chambers but are in burial pits !

that was actually the sons doing  (2nd emperor) ,  he wasn't the same caliber as his father and the empire fell apart !

 ' fractal sky ' (my title), 3pm shot, antelope canyon, arizona, photo taken by JoshuaSortino (reddit), Joshua Sortino http://sortinophoto.myshopify.com/

comments from a reddit thread  [  I, II ]  titled  “Just committed my 8yos old to a psychiatric hospital”

I can tell you one thing: After they put me on drugs I stopped threatening anyone, but I spent every day at my psychiatrist appointment stone-silent staring out the window fantasizing about rolling down that hill and breaking every bone in my body. It was 14 years ago  (ed. 22 now)  and I can still remember where every tree is on the hill and how I imagined myself bouncing off of them.

also

summer  solstice  to autumn equinox at the particularly ugly  angel of the north !

dr. caitlin o'connel talks about   the very human like social organization   of bull elephants at mushara, nambia !

i think these logographic languages   are a huge step back   compared to the alphabetic/phonetic, it is insane for a westerner to learn japanese ! : o(

gesshin/claire, you are not young  (ed. 28 !)  and when you hit your late fifties you will start to forget it all again ! : o()

you just don't know  what menopause does  to women's brains ! : o (

a video of calbuco   erupting  on april  22,  2015,  taken by jonas dengler and martin heck

sepehr g.  asks

how have you been doing, andrew ?

my

r e p l y

lol, sun faced buddha, moon faced buddha ! : o )(

one of the rules of the net is don't get too involved with people

maybe  at  your  age  you  figure  you  have  a  lifetime  to  waste,  at  my  age  i  don't   !

maybe  at  your  age  you  figure  you  have  a  lifetime  to  waste,  at  my  age  i  don't  !

maybe  at  your  age you figure  you  have a lifetime to waste,  at my age  i don't  !

maybe at your age you figure you have a lifetime to waste, at my age i don't  !

maybe at your age you figure you have a lifetime to waste, at my age i don't !

maybe  at  your  age  you  figure  you  have  a  lifetime  to  waste,  at  mine  i  don't   !

maybe  at  your  age  you  figure  you  have  a  lifetime  to  waste,  at  mine  i  don't  !

maybe  at  your  age you figure  you  have a lifetime to waste,  at mine  i don't  !

maybe at your age you figure you have a lifetime to waste, at mine i don't  !

maybe at your age you figure you have a lifetime to waste, at mine i don't !

i think one of the problems with boarding school is it makes you too accepting of a highly structured enviroment with a lot of top down control when one doesn't do very well in that sort of enviroment at all !

the main feeling i have about my  life  is  sadness ,  anger  got  burnt up somewhere along  the  way  !

the main feeling i have about my life is sadness ,  anger got burnt up somewhere along the way !

the only feeling i have about my  life  is  sadness ,  anger  got  burnt up somewhere along  the  way  !

the only feeling i have about my life is sadness ,  anger got burnt up somewhere along the way !

the main feeling i have about my  life  is  sadness, anger  got  burnt up somewhere along  the  way  !

the main feeling i have about my life is sadness, anger got burnt up somewhere along the way !

the only feeling i have about my  life  is  sadness, anger  got  burnt up somewhere along  the  way  !

the only feeling i have about my life is sadness, anger got burnt up somewhere along the way !

reddit zen, pretenders to an understanding they don't have !

reddit zen, pretenders to an understanding they don't have

reddit zen, pretenders claiming to understand what they don't understand !

What  more  needs  to be  said  !  ?

the  “ spiritual circuit ”  is  full  of  these  pretenders endless idiots masticating on their own bullshit ! : o (

reddit zen, pretenders claiming to understand what they don't understand !

What  more  needs  to be  said  !  ?

the  “ spiritual circuit ”  is  full  of  these  pretenders endless idiots masticating on their bullshit ! : o (

reddit zen, pretenders claiming to understand what they don't understand !

What  more  needs  to be  said  !  ?

the  “ spiritual circuit ”  is  full  of  these  pretenders endless idiots masticating on nonsense ! : o (

reddit zen, pretenders claiming to understand what they don't understand !

What  more  needs  to be  said  !  ?

reddit zen, pretenders claiming to understand what they don't understand !

reddit zen, pretenders claiming to understand what they don't understand

i was looking at some reruns of the andy griffith show which i watched as child, andy griffith   says   it was in effect set in the 1930's and watching   this ,  i think the attraction was a benign, friendly forgiving and even compensating world, unlike the real one !

interestingly  “ mayberry ”  is mount airy, north carolina, andy griffth's home town !

fasting before and after chemotherapy   significantly improves the effectiveness   of the chemo by sensitizing cancer cells to the toxicity !

depression, some immense sadness of being

reflected in what ?

two stars and the thin sliver of a new crescent moon !

depression, some immense sadness of being

reflected in what ?

two stars and the thin sliver of a crescent moon !

depression, some immense sadness of being

reflected in what ?

two stars and the thin sliver of a waxing crescent moon !


depression, some immense sadness of being

reflected in what ?

two stars and the thin sliver of a young waxing crescent moon !

brad seems to be making the   transistion   from successful then unsuccessful author to what seems to be the current itinerant teachers and retreats in nice places paradigm which i really think is the new mode for this sort of thing . .

rather than the moronic mass movements of the past, we now have a moronic overtight coupling of similarity enabled by the net . .

i do like the look   of this one

the pied piper of hamlin sounds to me like the childrens crusade !

the piper was in fact nicholas of cologne and the  “children” likely adolescents and young adults ! ?

hmm, i now favour ergot poisoning and  dancing  mania ! ?
















daily vitamin D3 helps   ameliorate   the autoimmune destruction of cartilage !

your blog and   webpage   have an intense unusual literary quality, do you ever reflect on that ?

oh lord, close my eyes, let me be complacent and go back to blind stupidity !

oh lord, close my eyes, let me be complacent and go back to blind stupidity

oh lord, close my eyes, let me be complacent and go back to stupidity !

oh lord, close my eyes, let me be complacent and go back to stupidity

   Pavane, Op. 50    

composed by gabriel fauré ,  tomasz chmiel conducting the cracow young philharmonic in 2013

one of the problems with travelling in the wrong direction is it takes you further away, that is, you have to travel back that distance you have wrongfully covered !

God ,  help me

“ help yourself ”

how ?

“ by making changes ! ”

God ,  help me

“ help yourself ”

how ?

“ by making changes ”

 view from mt. nebo, jordon, the place of moses death ! photo by sergy dolya

sergy dolya

eileen's burnie surf   poem and photos  !
















diana gilliland wright brings alive   mystra   and a woman's   life   in post byzantine hegemony ! :o)

real history ,  the constant uncertainity of war and conflict    with overriding continuities !

maria callas singing   coloratura soprano   in the role of lucia

inva mula tchako hasn't the coloratura scope, but i think i prefer her version ,  more real sadness   and depth from that ! :o )(

il dolce suono

lucia di lammermoor

i'm the   king of spain   !    :o)

masha and the bear syndrome, substituting reality with sentimental pap  !

masha and the bear syndrome,  substituting  reality with sentimental pap !

masha and the bear syndrome,  substituting  reality with sentimental pap !

masha and the bear syndrome,  substituting  reality with sentimental pap !

weight gain can also be  explained  by microbiome/gut flora problems whereby more short chain fatty acids are made as a result of the gut flora being out of control, this is the sort of thing the SCD and BCD diets address !

illustations  for dante's divine comedy, produced only 125 years or so after Dante completed his poem in 1320

the forest of suicides ,  translation and commentary by mark musa

life is infinite density in all directions  ̱   ̱  .  !

you cannot exhaust it, it exhausts you !

life is infinite density in all directions . . .

you cannot exhaust it, it exhausts you !

life is infinite density in all directions . . .  you cannot exhaust it, it exhausts you !

life is infinite density in all directions ,  you cannot exhaust it, it exhausts you !

life is infinite density in all directions, you cannot exhaust it, it exhausts you !

life is infinite density in all directions, you cannot exhaust it, it exhausts you

an interesting review   of anna karenina !

i think tolstoy's writing is about an intensification of life events into salience ! :o)

good abc interview of ben quilty   and his relationship   with the late  (ly executed !)  myuran sukumaran

i must be insane, my life is so full of fruitless and pointless work !

. .


o


(

i must be insane, my life is so full of fruitless and pointless work !

: o (

i must be insane, my life is so full of fruitless and pointless work !

i must be insane, my life is so full of fruitless and pointless work

what i find helps most with the sacroiliac joint is learning to move not to aggravate it, taking vitamin D3 and   using my homemade UVB lamp  !

damien hirst's  “ the golden calf ”  is a direct copy of the apis bull !

easy money i'd say ! :o)(

density, the world is dense, endless in all directions  !

density, the world is dense, endless in all directions !

density, the world is dense, endless in all directions

density; the world is dense, endless in all directions  !

density; the world is dense, endless in all directions !

density; the world is dense, endless in all directions

the world is dense, endless in all directions  !

the world is dense, endless in all directions !

the world is dense, endless in all directions

david bentley hart ,   today's premier apologist  !

to be a zen master, you have to have failed at life !

the trouble with reddit zen is they all want to be zen masters without having failed at life !

the problem is they are not zen masters, but have failed at life !

jason dafonte w r i t e s

I'm not sure if no one understands me, or chooses not to listen.

my

r e p l y

the sane life lived, is always on the point of suicide !

the sane life lived, is always on the point of suicide !

the sane life lived, is always on the point of suicide

the   lyrics of moon river  draw heavily on johnny mercer's childhood summers on estuarine rivers and marshes near savannah !

M.F.A, nothing to do with fine arts and everything to do with larceny and stupidity !

M.F.A, nothing to do with fine arts and everything to do with larceny !

M.F.A, nothing to do with fine arts and everything to do with larceny

depression ,  the immense sadness of life catches up with you !

. .


o


)


(

depression ,  the immense sadness of life catches up with you !

. .


o


(


)

depression ,  the immense sadness of life catches up with you !

depression, the immense sadness of life catches up with you !

depression, the immense sadness of life catches up with you

 marylin munroe (age 20), army blanket sitting, malibu 1946, by andré de dienes

sorta/ sort of  (a!)  transparency between life and death, the photo could be a corpse, very clever  . .  !

this was her attraction i think ! : o )(

“ marilyn said that, when she was a child, she had been shown a photograph of a man that gladys  (her mother)  identified as her father, charles stanley gifford

she remembered that he had a thin mustache and somewhat resembled clark gable, and that she had amused herself by pretending that gable was her father ”

so much sadness ! : o ( . .  )

lucid dreaming is where the brain is broken and doesn't shut down properly for sleep !

i just came across an old  (jan '13)  facebook message i made

jeff foster  blocks  people who show him up or puncture the  “bubble” ,  don't be conned !

it's a mad house and he and those people are schizophrenic !

he's also a dreadful plagiarist ,  doesn't have an original thought in his head and copies from everywhere :o)

reddit zen  d u m b  hubric  a r s e h o l e s  !  !  !  !  !  !  !

: o (

reddit zen  d u m b  hubric  a r s e h o l e s  ! ! ! ! ! ! !

: o (

reddit zen  d u m b  hubric  a r s e h o l e s  !  !  !  !  !  !  !

reddit zen  d u m b  hubric  a r s e h o l e s  ! ! ! ! ! ! !

reddit zen  d u m b  hubric  a r s e h o l e s  !  !  !  !   !  !  !

reddit zen  d u m b  hubric  a r s e h o l e s ! ! ! ! ! ! !

reddit zen  d u m b  hubric  a r s e h o l e s  !

reddit zen  d u m b  hubric  a r s e h o l e s !

reddit zen  d u m b  hubric  a r s e h o l e s

i can't believe how i have wasted my life and time

i can't believe  the way i have wasted my life and time  ?  !    :o) :o(  :o( :o(

v5

i can't believe  the way i have wasted my life and time  ! ?

v4

i can't believe the way i have wasted my life and time  !

v3

i can't believe the way i have wasted my time and life  ? !

v2

i can't believe the way i have wasted my life and time

v1

“ researchers  found  that genetic risk scores for both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder were significantly higher in those defined as creative individuals, with scores approximately halfway between the general population and those with the disorders themselves ”

“ [. . .]  previous studies showing widespread cell death ,  permanent deletion of neurons  and neurocognitive impairment in laboratory rats and mice after exposure to general anesthesia ”

“ children who received general anesthesia for surgery before age 4 had diminished language comprehension, lower IQ and decreased gray matter density in posterior regions of their brain ”

yet isn't that  image ,  superb rendition and bankrupt semantics so o illus_trative of life today ?

a question on reddit medical titled   “ torn rib cartilage and looking for advice... ” 

To start, I've already seen two doctors about this issue.  One, my primary physician and the other an orthopaedic surgeon.  Both gave me the same response.  There was nothing I could do but give it time to heal.  I was looking to see if anyone else has been through this and how much  ‘ time ’  I could be expecting.

As I said, I supposedly tore cartilage near my sternum and lower rib.  Basically where I can feel the rib cage end.  Many movements where my arms are out in front of me and raising weight up  (like lifting my kid)  I get a snapping / popping feeling.  One time I was lifting a mattress and the pop was so severe I couldn't move without pain for 3 days.  It will give the same popping feeling when I take off to sprint.  Happens often.

This all stemmed from a deadlift gone wrong at a heavy weight.  Lost concentration for a second and I knew something wasn't right.  It will have been 2 years this August since I injured the area.  I know the area gets poor blood flow and it takes time to heal but I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to expedite / help it heal.  Be it taking something, doing certain exercises. . . something.  Anyone been down this road ?

my

r e p l y

not quite the same, acj, but 1000iu a day of vitamin d3 really helped, it does take several years and you really have to avoid loading the problem area !

maybe k2 - mk7 as well !

you want the injury to scar and not be continually eroded by auto immune action !

everybody gets joint issues as they age, it's really worthwhile to understand what is effective so you know what to do when the next problem crops up !

i think great art doesn't add into coherence, rather it's an infinite sum that keeps adding forever indefinitely ! : o)

i think great art doesn't add into coherence as we know know it, rather it's an indefinite infinite sum that keeps adding forever ! : o)

i don't think great art adds into coherence, rather it's an infinite sum that keeps adding forever ! : o)

i don't think great art adds into coherence, rather it's an infinite sum that keeps adding forever

i think great art doesn't add into coherence, rather it's an infinite sum that keeps adding forever ! : o)

i think great art doesn't add into coherence, rather it's an infinite sum that keeps adding forever

i think great art doesn't add into coherence as we know it, rather it's an indefinite infinite sum that keeps adding forever

i think great art doesn't add into coherence as we know know it, rather it's an indefinite infinite sum that keeps adding forever

reality appears to be granular ,  that is ,  it can only occur in certain ways

reality appears to be granular ,  that is, it can only occur in certain ways

reality appears to be granular, that is, it can only occur in certain ways

reality appears to be granular, it can only occur in certain ways

reality is granular, it can only occur in certain ways

. .


o


)


(

reality is granular, it can only occur in certain ways

. .


o


(


)

reality is granular, it can only occur in certain ways

: o ) (

reality is granular, it can only occur in certain ways

reality is granular, it can only occur certain ways

there's alot of people in this world, that if you help them will use the extra strength of that help to kick you in the face or head, you have to be careful to be appreciative and not do that or take it ! :o )(

words of  rebuke  at the temple of apollo in delphi to calondas

“ him being a servant of the muses please leave the temple ”

my further words

him being a poet

you

were

bound

to

win !

i was watching  this  and remembered that maybe 11 years ago i emailed   james  randi with a proposal to test the ability of supplements to significantly improve the condition of autistic children

( i was quite involved at the time with the autism and enzymes message board run by the late karen de felice and cindy  kelly  )

this might seem a realistic opportunity to win his famous million dollar challenge ,  but he was very conventionally  “ medically politically correct ”  and was prepared i think to accept the challenge !

i found it interesting that he dealt with me personally ,  this famous person and all, however his attitude was such that i could see it would be a real tussle to get the money out of him and in the end all i might be doing is educating him about supplements and right before the test he might say, well that's all mechanistic and biochemical and not psychic or superstitious at all !

bacially a huge amount of work and organizing for a very uncertain reward ,  so i dropped it .

what i really learnt was his his accessibility and willingness to engage personally   comma   which i think is a mark of his superiority to the hoi polloi and their hiding deceptive ways!

still he was a man of conventional attitudes in some respect s  !    :  o   ) (

huh, well i have now writtten that episode down !

 two heads four half faces

matías sierra   [  I    II  ]

an interesting account   of his life doing  “ street begging ”  by  kōshō  uchiyama

it was his origami books that saved him !

a very soto style talk   by  toni  packer ,  there's so much interior stuff of interest it just beggars the imagination the way the idiots of reddit and real life zen just waste their time and lives spilling into endless stupid argument/s about philosophical certainties they cannot handle or reason about, or mindless ritualistic formalism that just passes the time in mechanical and performance art thinking ! : o )(

strokes age the brain

this  study  says eight years, but obviously it will be a continium of depends, like how severe and how much of the brain was involved, but s t i l l . . . !  : o ( )

“ it's known that   estrogen   has direct effects on stem cell populations in female mice, from increasing the number of blood stem cells  (which is very helpful during pregnancy)  to enhancing the regenerative capacity of brain stem cells at the height of estrus ”

i picked up two road kill wallabies coming back from ulverstone last night, the vehicle had just been in with a mechanic, but within minutes of driving away the brakes failed, a rubber brake hose was leaking so i was driving home with no brakes except the handbrake which is an interesting experience, other cars around make it much more dangerous, but otherwise you can get by if you think ahead and know the road !

anyway, on gutting and cutting into the skull one of these wallabies i dicovered the heart had been forced right up into the skull and pushed the brain to one side !

i thought this was an interesting illustration of the violence of car accidents . . .

windows 10 is coming at the end of july, it's a very substantial improvement and a good hardware upgrade to go with it if you don't game is an asus h97m-e motherboard with a pentium g3450 and noctua nh-u12s heatsink !

windows 10 does use shortcuts more compared to windows 7 ,  the big secret is to look at the shortcut once you have pressed the keys and  “ re-remember ”  the combination each time !

effective gaming systems double the cost because you need a four core cpu and high end video card !

it's rather amusing to contrast the  “ matrix like ”  environment of gamers with those who volunteer for ISIS

two rather different gaming enviroments ! :o)

windows 10 is coming at the end of july, it's a very substantial improvement and a good hardware upgrade to go with it if you don't game is an asus h97m-e motherboard with a pentium g3450 and noctua nh-u12s heatsink !

windows 10 does use shortcuts more compared to windows 7 ,  the big secret is to look at the shortcut once you have pressed the keys and  “ re-remember ”  the combination each time !

jason dafonte mentions

I was thinking about the time you visited that orthodox hermit, which I've asked you about but you avoided

my r eply

i really am quite autistic and find people a strain !

clem died a few years back, i think perhaps the real point of visiting hermits is actually to retreat for a while in a nice country area !

two people never agree so you have to learn to keep the outward form and most of your opinions to yourself !

in the end you will grow apart, but you should always remain amicable !

‘ epirrhema ’   by johann von goethe

when    contemplating nature

always attend to the one and to the all

nothing is within and nothing is without

what is inside is outside

grasp then without delay

the holy ,  open secret

kaskaskia canyon ,  photo by   mike reyfman

‘ epirrhema ’   by johann von goethe

when    contemplating nature

always attend to the one and to the all

nothing is within and nothing is without

what is inside is outside

grasp then without delay

the holy ,  open secret

bryce canyon ,  photo by   mike reyfman

uh  .  .  !

the eye has a  microbiome  too ! : o)(

uh  . .  !

the eye has a  microbiome  too ! : o)(

uh . . !

the eye has a  microbiome  too ! : o)(

life has no answer except sadness and defeat

. .


o


(

life has no answer except sadness and defeat

. .


o


(


)

life has no answer except sadness and defeat

. .


o


)


(

life has no answer except sadness and defeat !

life has no answer except sadness and defeat

there is no answer except sadness and defeat !  : o ( )

there is no answer except sadness and defeat  : o ( )

there is no answer except sadness and defeat !

there is no answer except sadness and defeat

speech given before an elizabethan execution ?

what is all the fuss about, am i not going anywhere, as life is an illusion, so mightn't death be an illusion ?

as life is an illusion, so mightn’t death be an illusion ?

Time's  highlights ,  intensifications of infinity

my reworking of  the title  to marcel proust's famous heptalogy !

Time's  highlights

intensifications

of

infinity

my reworking of  the title  to marcel proust's famous heptalogy !

Time's   highlights

intensifications

of

infinity

my reworking of  the title  to marcel proust's famous heptalogy !

“ to debate with lunatics about their beliefs is to enter a   ‘ perplexity  of metaphysical mazes ’ ”

r/zen  !

zyx ,  you are not allowing that what i say/write is  “ dense ”  in camus's sense, infinitely penetrable, that you can follow what does and doesn't meet the eye forever and still keep going and it continues to open up fruitfully in the same way as when you s t a r t e d  !

zyx ,  you are not allowing that what i say/write is  “ dense ”  in camus's sense, infinitely penetrable, that you can follow what does and doesn't meet the eye forever and still keep going and it continues to open up fruitfully in the same way as when you s t a r t e d

zyx, you are not allowing that what i say/write is  “ dense ”  in camus's sense, infinitely penetrable, that you can follow what doesn't meet the eye forever and still keep going and it continues to open up fruitfully in the same way as when you  s t a r t e d  !

zyx, you are not allowing that what i say/write is  “ dense ”  in camus's sense, infinitely penetrable, that you can follow what doesn't meet the eye forever and still keep going and it continues to open up fruitfully in the same way as when you  s t a r t e d

zyx ,  you are not allowing that what i say/write is  “ dense ”  in camus's sense, infinitely penetrable, that you can follow what meets the eye forever and still keep going and it continues to open up fruitfully in the same way as when you  s t a r t e d  !

zyx ,  you are not allowing that what i say/write is  “ dense ”  in camus's sense, infinitely penetrable, that you can follow what meets the eye forever and still keep going and it continues to open up fruitfully in the same way as when you  s t a r t e d

it's a pity dali and alfred hitchhock didn't collaborate more ,  the  ‘ spellbound ’  dream sequence   [  I    II  ]  is exceptional, saying the dream in this case is truer than reality and that  (in the end !)  is what all great art is about !

it's a pity dali and alfred hitchhock didn't collaborate more ,  the  ‘ spellbound ’  dream sequence   [  I    II  ]  is exceptional, saying the dream in this case is truer than reality and that is what all great art is about !

a reddit  /medical  question

my mom was diagnosed with diverticulitis.  she had experienced pain/discomfort leading up to her calling an ambulance and being admitted to a hospital in my city.  she is an alcoholic who has smoked since she was like 16.  the hospital is addressing withdrawal symptoms.  i wonder what this even is.  how her lifestyle will affect the outcome.  how serious the withdrawal can be. any information is appreciated.  edit :   i feel bad for not knowing how old she is...but I can 55-60.

my reply

alcohol and smoking should be tapered off rather than abruptly stopped, particularly she wants to avoid cycles of starting again and then being hospitalized and forced to stop abruptly !

   jesus fucking christ  !  :  0 )

the overriding characteristic of life is not its fairness ,  but its unfairness  !

the overriding characteristic of life is not its fairness ,  but its unfairness  !

the overriding characteristic of life is not its fairness ,  but its unfairness !

the overriding characteristic of life is not its fairness, but its unfairness !

the overriding characteristic of life is not its fairness, but its unfairness

the characteristic of life is not its fairness, but its unfairness !

the characteristic of life is not its fairness, but its unfairness

shugen was always  a wily political operator ,  konrad/ryushin   marchaj   never had a chance, exposed a weakness then got stabbed !

the real problem is the huge explosion of neo advaita/non duality robbing zen of its future supporters, so there's a creeping cloud of financial hardship bringing it slowly down !

this is the whole problem with these places, intense interior focusing politics and no attention to the external aspects that need revamping . .

with multiple medications the side effects add in weird destructive ways

jail in alabama  !

jason dafonte   writes

I'm stuck with these people who are unlike me.  I sat at the dinner table tonight with my cousin, thought of a time that I was walking down to the cow's field with her sitting against a tree reading a book, with the lake and mountains in the background.  I just wanted to cry, and they all think I'm depressed, well it's probably true

my

reply

“ with the lake and mountains in the background ”

that's contemplative !

manganese, copper and k2 as per   the compendium   greatly help with depression !

it seems to be a coming thing, our universe in 3D   springs from quantum mechanics in 2D ,  that is our certain unentangled and very separated universe springs from uncertainty and entanglement ! :o)(

try as we might to avoid it ! :o)(

it seems to be a coming thing, our universe in 3D   springs from quantum mechanics in 2D ,  that is our certain unentangled and very separated universe springs from uncertainty and entanglement ! :o)(

 Fluorescent microscopic image of fibrotic scars in fat tissue. In this image, the fat cells are not labeled and appear as black holes surrounded by green collagen (the main component of scar tissue). Cell nuclei are blue. Image provided by Oklahoma Medical Research Foundation scientist Lorin Olson, Ph.D.

i wonder if belly fat  is heavily fibrotic  ! ?

that would explain why it was a very bad sign and more than entry into the various forms of metabolic syndrome !

it's actually a disease state !

ed stafford ,  i'm rather taken   with his primitivist approach ,   booting from the ground up so to speak ! : o ) (

estrone   (ed.   HRT   )   given to women  who have had children  is neurally destructive ,  whereas estradiol promotes neural plasticity ! !

talk about inversion of effect  ,    this general   saved beijing and was subjected to the most gruesome death for it ! :o(


reddit zen   is zen in the sense of always being destroyed !

what keeps destroying it on an ongoing basis is the ability to conceal one's real identity through new nicks ,  any message board where you have this lack of control misses out on the growth potential through writing !

you can see  ewk's efforts  over the years ,  he just always gets knocked back to zero ,  very zen of course but in the wrong way ! :o)

your only concern with a message board should be your own development ,  not some vain quixotic task of trying to right the world with your opinions ! :o)

what is death

w

h

a

t

i

s

l

i

f

e

w

h

at

is

this

unending

strife  ?

what is death, what is life, what is this unending strife ! ?

what is death  what is life  what is this unending strife ! ?

what is death what is life what is this unending strife ! ?

what is death, what is life, what is this unending strife ?

what is death  what is life  what is this unending strife ?

what is death what is life what is this unending strife ?

what is death, what is life, what is this unending strife !

what is death  what is life  what is this unending strife !

what is death what is life what is this unending strife !

what is death, what is life, what is this unending strife

what is death  what is life  what is this unending strife

what is death what is life what is this unending strife

a    genuine  sky burial !

35 : 15

ithinkwhere you have densely settled areas over thousands of years ,  the problem of the loss of living and farming space through the accumulation of burial plots must be insurmountable so it's interesting to see this very complete solution !

we are getting it in the western world now, i remember a time when church burial was the norm, now the ashes are scattered ! :o)

a    genuine  sky burial !

35 : 15

john nash and his wife  were killed  when their taxi crashed and threw them from their vehicle, they were not wearing seatbelts !

the  prisoner's dilema  which is a restatement of  nash's equilibrium  has effective strategies that ring very true to life !

nice

the most important condition is that the strategy must be  “nice” ,  that is, it will not defect before its opponent does  ( this is sometimes referred to as an  “optimistic” algorithm ).  almost all of the top-scoring strategies were nice; therefore, a purely selfish strategy will not  “cheat”  on its opponent, for purely self-interested reasons first

retaliating

the successful strategy must not be a blind optimist.  it must sometimes retaliate.  an example of a non-retaliating strategy is always cooperate.  this is a very bad choice, as  “nasty”  strategies will ruthlessly exploit such players

forgiving

successful strategies must also be forgiving.  though players will retaliate, they will once again fall back to cooperating if the opponent does not continue to defect.  this stops long runs of revenge and counter-revenge, maximizing points

non-envious

the last quality is being non-envious, that is not striving to score more than the opponent.

i think a lot of what zen is about is the sadness of an empty life

and then one twigs

one's own life is empty

how can one convey that ?

it can't be done nor should it be ?

i think a lot of what zen is about is the sadness of an empty life

and then one twigs

one's own life is empty

how can one convey that ? it can't be done nor should it be ?

i think a lot of what zen is about is the sadness of an empty life

and then one twigs

one's own life is empty

how can one convey that ?

i think a lot of what zen is about is the sadness of an empty life

and then one twigs

one's own life is empty

i think a lot of what zen is about is the sadness of an empty life

and then one twigs

one's life is empty

i think a lot of what zen is about is the sadness of an empty life

getting older, jesus christ the dr e ams disappear

getting older, jesus christ the dreams disappear

getting older

jesus

christ

the dr e ams disappear

a reddit meditation post titled    “  hallucination   in pranayama meditation ”

what does it mean ?

after doing a pranayama exercise for one hour, I stopped and started on an hour meditation

during the transition between the two for it seemed like 20 minutes I was having closed eye visuals

I was seeing lotus' open and in one case a girl  (i assume myself)  came out

it was like a kaleiodscope background the whole time and rainbow waves came towards my chest

octogons repeatedly made appearances too

any meaning ?

my reply titled  “ lotus rainbow octagon ”

the coming out of the lotus is some sort of circularity in your life,

the rainbow is your being on  “ autistic spectrum ’

the kaleidoscope is some sort of underlying destructive and self destructiveness

the octagon is brain damage

------------------

i think it's sorta a genuine religious vision, telling quite a bit !

----------------------

the following are my replies to the posters replies  (not shown)

most people would never reply to what i wrote, just as not one in ten million would write your original post !

it's a gift but the world will/does not like it and actually is quite uncomfortable with you and me and this very different but much more real and authentic way of looking at things !

i think  “circular”  in this context is your being too accepting of conventional half truths and that stupidity of human  “normalcy”  and its way of thinking the world is. . .

it's the mysticism of les murray's poetry or the aboriginal d r e a m t i m e ,  some real land, not foreign, but one's home stamping ground . .

----------------------

yeah the lotus is dead because buddhism and hinduism are dead !

that's really hard to see, that these  “collective masses ”  are distorted and untrue and deliberately intended to deceive, this is speaking as one who spent alot of time in zen and then many years to sort out the  “bullshit ” in it !

it's really hard to get that only one or two in any generation truely understand and the rest is nonsense !

so you have to   read   the best minds across the ages to get the right perspective, and i can tell you, without this one will just meander in failure in terms of what this is about !

jesus and buddha are fictional characters and never existed historically !

buddha was originally a tree shrine god and jesus some sort of jewish arch angel who battled with satan  ( another archangel and not with the   evil   connotations at that stage, jesus lost and is apparently buried below the moon because in those times they thought you could just fly upwards forever and there is land up there ! )

statins  are mitochondrial toxins, depleting CoQ10  . .

they also inhibit the synthesis of  vitamin K2  leading to arterial calcification !

“   more than a quarter  of a middle-aged person's skin may have already made the first steps towards cancer . .  ”

what with new zealand sun and my uvb lamp more like 100% in my case !

that's why i get hormetic hyperthermic exposure as an immune stimulant  -  hot radiant heat from my wood heater on relevant skin especially the face and back and is also quite good for keratosis pilaris on the bum from too much sitting down in front of a computer ! :o(

and even in winter if the sun is out around midday, i will stand naked in it and get a minute or two of exposure even tho there's practically no vitamin D in those rays !

jason dafonte writes

reality isn't an illusion?

am I doing shikantaza in an all right way by letting my mind wander where ever it goes ?

my friend says that's a bad idea because I end up not focusing on reality and my real problems

Idk what my real problems are besides that I'm over weight and I don't have a stable job

I'm going to find some where that I can be in solitude

Idk what solitude is really, I've just been sitting in my room staring at what ever and thinking

my

reply

that's a good post, you must be doing something right ! :o)

poetess anna akhmatova said that korney chukovsky's children's verse and stories   were sadistic

poetess anna akhmatova commented that korney chukovsky's children's verse and stories   were sadistic

poetess anna akhmatova commented once that korney chukovsky's children's verse and stories   were sadistic

 a red winged blackbird riding on the back of a bald eagle

a reddit thread  titled    “ bipolar  AP  -  advice needed ”

my comment

Bipolar is not fixed in stone, you can do a lot to help it ,  like making up    lithium water

the OP asks

Homemade lithium self-medication !  What could possibly go wrong ?  Seriously though, is this something you have tried ?

my

r e p l y

yeah, basically it's what i drink ! :o)

in fact it's way way safer than medical or psychiatric lithium because the dose is about 1/500th !

these psychiatric doses destroy health, but then that's the psychiatric profession, their job as they view it is to simply keep their clients from being a danger to society and that's all ! :o)

you can also look at lithium aspartate which is available as a supplement

since lithium has an adverse effect on the thyroid, it also pays to look at some degree of iodine    supplementation

our lives are burned away in endless meaninglessness ,  what should we do

v4

our lives are burned away in endless meaninglessness ,  what should we do ?

our lives are burned away in endless meaninglessness , what should we do ?

our lives are burned away in endless meaninglessness, what should we do ?


our lives are burned away in endless meaninglessness  what should we do ?

v3

our lives are burned away in endless meaningless ,  what should we do  ?

our lives are burned away in endless meaningless ,  what should we do ?

our lives are burned away in endless meaningless,  what should we do ?

our lives are burned away in endless meaningless, what should we do ?

our lives are burned away in endless meaningless  what should we do

our lives are burned away in endless meaninglessness ,  what should we do ?

v2

our lives are burned away in endless meaninglessness  what should we do

v1

pope john paul II commented to czesław miłosz on his   “ six lectures in verse ”   and in other works that he took one step forward and one step back

czesław miłosz  r e p l i e d

holy father, how in the twentieth century can one write religious poetry differently ?

my reply to pope john paul

that is always the human condition in the face of god !
















 may 2015 parrotia persica I, photo by eileen prunster

 may 2015 parrotia persica II, photo by eileen prunster

eileen writes

A beautiful Parrotia persica in my front garden in all it's autumn glory

my  r e p l y  . .

yeah it's in your own garden ,  i think that makes a difference !

 id photo may 2015

interesting to clearly see oneself as old, that my world is slowly collapsing despite my denial ! : o)(

i was just looking through and thinking   how good eileen's photos are   !   : 0 )

there's the fantasy and   there's the actuality

r.i.p.  saturday dusk /evening

   a sad loss   to a screwed and cowardic world, but he was suicidal i think, didn't take the dog on that last run, must have known it was very very risky  . . !

there's the fantasy and   there's the actuality

r.i.p.  yesterday

   a sad loss   to a screwed and cowardic world, but he was suicidal i think, didn't take the dog on that last run, must have known it was very very risky  . . !

don't think you are   unobserved  !

pan tilt and zoom  (PTZ)  cameras are remarkable !

a georg trakl    [  I II  ]   quote

the near stillness recalls what is forgotten, beautiful angels

a georg trakl quote

the near stillness recalls what is forgotten, beautiful angels
















a waka by eihei dogen

草の庵に 寝ても醒めても 申すこと

南無釈迦牟尼仏 あわれみたまえ

南無大恩教主 南無釈迦如来

claire greenwood's   literal translation    into english

in a grass hut

whether sleeping or waking

I penitently ask   namu shakamuni butsu

please show me compassion

namu daionkyoushu

    namu shakanyorai 

my

r e p l y

in an abandoned shack

anxiety for life's necessities gnaws me

i pray for a better outcome

much good it does me !

such    dull lives we lead   !

the young have energy i suppose !

: o )(

such    dull lives we lead   !

the young have energy i suppose !

: o()